2003-04-09 @ 10:42 p.m.
talk with Lauren... i hate life

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

SpaceyKritter: ...yeah, did you mean everything you said in ur diary, or was that you being drunk?

vulpineblaze: it was me being more drunk than iv ever bein.... i actually have spent today in p41n from a killer hangover

vulpineblaze: im sorry tho

SpaceyKritter: that sux

SpaceyKritter: ehh.

vulpineblaze: im very very sorry, for everything

SpaceyKritter: I'd say it's alright, but I'm still all aggitated

vulpineblaze: :-) well, I hope you feel better... as i mentioned earlier, im neurotic, so i get a lil scared n such when i dont know when ill see you agin... i drew 3 more pictures tho, and i think they r0x, maby even more than the first :-D?

SpaceyKritter: lol

vulpineblaze: but, i hav no scanner

SpaceyKritter: that sux

vulpineblaze: yea

vulpineblaze: and ill be damned if im going outside like this

SpaceyKritter: lol

SpaceyKritter: that'd be great..

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: is there anything i can do? anything you want?

SpaceyKritter: ehh. I wanted my space, and you defied it, I wanted time away without cares.. I donno, people kept reminding me of you tripping. I donno if there's anything I do want.

vulpineblaze: * feels awful* well, i am sorry... i didnt mean to defy you or anything, i just want to see you n talk to you n such... i mean, think about this-> when im with you, im happy; and i like being happy and want to be happy more - so i end up spending alot of tyme thinking about you n wanting tyme with you :-)

SpaceyKritter: haha, that's the thing, I love spending time with you too. My way of dating has always been like calling maybe once or twice a week, and hanging out maybe once or twice a week if that. Your way is hang out, talk for hours, EVERY DAY and still complain about not seeing enough

vulpineblaze: :-P you have a point... but i realized during those long talks, id have rather being hanging out w/ friends, cuz i do like doing that alot... but i jus didnt know when id get tyme with you, and i was using all my thinky all 0v3rcl0ck3d to try and see you but instead i was just making everything worse

SpaceyKritter: haha..yeah

vulpineblaze: *huggles* are you still mad?

SpaceyKritter: well, not mad, not happy

vulpineblaze: Ahh...

SpaceyKritter: yeah..

vulpineblaze: http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=96 <-- one of the drawing has alot to do with this ... pa special attention to the book itself

vulpineblaze: but yeah, i miss you still :-P

vulpineblaze: ...

vulpineblaze: how are you??

SpaceyKritter: lol

SpaceyKritter: megatokyo can be cool.

SpaceyKritter: I have to be honest and tell you that currently, I do not miss you much at all.

SpaceyKritter: Seems like huge-ass moodswings to me

SpaceyKritter: I donno what to believe

vulpineblaze: ... im sorry

SpaceyKritter: eh... it's just ur personality, what can you do about it?

vulpineblaze: its not my personality, or at least, its not what you think.... kinda like you get scared when theres too much contact, and get afaid when i hav too little... if i jus hear from you every few days, see you once or twice a week, id be fine... but this open-ended not-seeing is scary ...... like, if you had said on friday "i need some tyme away form you, i n33d sp4c3!! ill call wednesday" .. well, i would have said 'grr' but i would have waited fer the call

SpaceyKritter: yeah...

SpaceyKritter: I didn't know when I'd get over my need of space

SpaceyKritter: *sigh* I donno

vulpineblaze: :-) well heres the thing, even if you werent over it, you could call, and say "im feeling a bit better, but im still in n33d.. ... ill call agin sunday" ... ?? is that ok..?

SpaceyKritter: lol, that's what I was gonna do wednesday

vulpineblaze: today is wednesday :-) and i think thats what you doing :-D

SpaceyKritter: lol

vulpineblaze: :-)

SpaceyKritter: meant tuesday*

vulpineblaze: o

vulpineblaze: *feels dumb*

SpaceyKritter: :-P

vulpineblaze: yeah, in case you hadnt noticed, i frequently do stupid stuff... at the tyme i think im cool, but it doesnt turn out

SpaceyKritter: lol

SpaceyKritter: I guess you fail to realize all options

vulpineblaze: yea.. something like that

SpaceyKritter: haha, yeah..

vulpineblaze: thats why i n33d contact, i n33d directions.... because otherwise i do things my way... and well, look where that got me

SpaceyKritter: ahh

vulpineblaze: speaking of which -> two things... i have 3 drawing for you, they n33d to be scanned tho... how will i accomplish this?

SpaceyKritter: uhhhh

SpaceyKritter: by scanning it?

SpaceyKritter: with something?

SpaceyKritter: try using a pencil as a scanner.

vulpineblaze: O.o?

SpaceyKritter: it could work if you try hard enough!

SpaceyKritter: ^.^

vulpineblaze: :-) ... i was thinking more like either i deliver them n you can have them scannd.. or i havta go beg ppl i kno to borrow theres

SpaceyKritter: lol

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: how did you like the first one?

SpaceyKritter: eh..

SpaceyKritter: lol, as I said, space...

SpaceyKritter: wow, it's as if you completely had this like major ass mood swing that pissed the crap outta me

SpaceyKritter: the hell is all this

vulpineblaze: O.o? *hopes you talking past-tense*

SpaceyKritter: ...

SpaceyKritter: I donno, at first you were all pissed at me, with little reason to be, and you were cursing the female species, felt the need to get drunk

SpaceyKritter: it seems like you prolly haven't read my entry then?

vulpineblaze: no, i have

SpaceyKritter: alright then...

vulpineblaze: i honestly dont remember half of that stuff..... actually, i thought i typed alot.. about other stuff... i was confuzled when i re-read them today

SpaceyKritter: wow that confused me

SpaceyKritter: currently I can't get in to see ur diary

SpaceyKritter: says I need a password

SpaceyKritter: so I wouldn't know.

vulpineblaze: you mentioned it to dwight

SpaceyKritter: mentioned where?

vulpineblaze: they tried interrogating me last nite

SpaceyKritter: what?

SpaceyKritter: I know I talked to him.

vulpineblaze: i managed to keep it safe...

vulpineblaze: barely tho

SpaceyKritter: oh....

SpaceyKritter: why don't you want him reading it?

vulpineblaze: because, hes IRL.... i dont want feedback from ppl in kno

SpaceyKritter: ahh..

SpaceyKritter: *cocks eyebrow* k then

vulpineblaze: your an exception, since your chix0r... but still, i feel uncomfortable

SpaceyKritter: haha

SpaceyKritter: I have no troubles, telling my friends and all about it. I want people to hear about me

vulpineblaze: because those are thoughts n feelings n shit... not any of the nice happy shit normal ppl type in theres...

SpaceyKritter: yeah

SpaceyKritter: lol, I donno. Sometimes I wish people understood my feelings

SpaceyKritter: why not have diaries with no locks

SpaceyKritter: my diary (the paper one) is like fully open, I always leave it random places

vulpineblaze: i think im starting to understand... but its kinda hard, since we are different... but its also kinda fun, learning to adapt like this :-D

SpaceyKritter: lol

SpaceyKritter: yes yes, we are quite different ^.^

vulpineblaze: but yet we have an incredible amount in common :-) ... as i said, i (still) think your perfect.... but when i say that, im not talking about in general.. im taking about fer me :-)

SpaceyKritter: uhh, I'm kinda wondering what we DO have in common?

SpaceyKritter: I'm not really seeing much.

vulpineblaze: ... O.o?

SpaceyKritter: ........ O.o?

vulpineblaze: fine then, be grr' at me

SpaceyKritter: what?!

SpaceyKritter: no.

SpaceyKritter: I'm saying what DO we have in common?

SpaceyKritter: a question!

SpaceyKritter: dude

SpaceyKritter: calmate

SpaceyKritter: unless you can't think of anything?

vulpineblaze: Is that a challenge?

SpaceyKritter: ...I'm just asking a question that's not being answered!!

SpaceyKritter: how can it be a challenge if it's a question?!?

SpaceyKritter: *senses evasion*

vulpineblaze: no.. actually im jus trying to work my fav'est quote into this conversation :-D

vulpineblaze: im typing in notepad to answer :-)

SpaceyKritter: yes..

SpaceyKritter: haha

SpaceyKritter: k then.

vulpineblaze: .. well! Then I think its Tyme you Learned ~JUST~ who you Picked a Fight With!!! ~

SpaceyKritter: *sits here*

SpaceyKritter: *got in two fist fights within the past 3 days*

SpaceyKritter: *knows who I picked fights with*

vulpineblaze: really? with who??

SpaceyKritter: two guys that were picking on my friends.

SpaceyKritter: I told em to fuck off

SpaceyKritter: they punched AT my face

SpaceyKritter: and I caught their fists ^.^

SpaceyKritter: twisted em

SpaceyKritter: told em to fuck off

SpaceyKritter: got in a fist fight

SpaceyKritter: didn't get hurt at all

SpaceyKritter: it was fun

SpaceyKritter: they're so scared of me

vulpineblaze: :-)! your cute

SpaceyKritter: I'm Eli's body gaurd ^.^

SpaceyKritter: how is that cute? lol

vulpineblaze: i dunno, but it is :-D

SpaceyKritter: haha

SpaceyKritter: well actually one got a cheap shot on my boob, but I got him a good fis in the face

SpaceyKritter: so it was evened out for that

vulpineblaze: ... ok, now im getting a lil grr... who was this fool?

SpaceyKritter: Rick Haden

vulpineblaze: did he mean to, and does he n33d a beatdown?

SpaceyKritter: the other was Fred, or Jeff

SpaceyKritter: he didn't mean it sexually, meant to go for a cheap shot, though

SpaceyKritter: he hates me

SpaceyKritter: I hate him more though ^.^

SpaceyKritter: pffft, I can handle him anyway, he's a dumbass

vulpineblaze: still, thats not cool. and im an extrerely jealous person... iv near-r0xd on ppl fer less

vulpineblaze: i hope so.. :-)

SpaceyKritter: lol..

SpaceyKritter: *smiles and laughs* That's the other thing. I've always thought of jealousy as a dumbasses way out, and a lack of trust

vulpineblaze: oh, thanks

vulpineblaze: way out of what? ...

vulpineblaze: and actually its more of an envy.. but still

SpaceyKritter: *thinks* I donno, I think i meant a dumbass' way

vulpineblaze: :-P

vulpineblaze: i see

SpaceyKritter: *Danka Shoen is on*

SpaceyKritter: Danka Shoen!!! Darlin, danka shoen! save those lives, darlin don't explain! I recall, central park in all! How you tore your dress, wahat a mess, I confess, that's not all!

SpaceyKritter: *singing happily*

vulpineblaze: well, the first that comes to mind is Alkaline trio, and our musical interests in general.. we both have similiar style, and common friends, cuz i kno if i wasnt so goddamn poor im be wearing most of your wardrobe on a regular basis... then theres your preferance of redtext-on-black, which iv bein using since i first learned HTML... i only recently started with different colors.. we both have similair strength.. we react to challenges the same, only in a lil more outspoken about things... we both have our futures in mind alot, even if i rarely seem that way... and then theres that look in your eyes, that always makes me feel like the world is right.. its like i -know- everything will be ok ...

vulpineblaze: ***my head still hurts, thinking makes it worse.. if you need to, ill think of more laterz***

vulpineblaze: :-) your cute :-)

SpaceyKritter: yeah, see, the only things I've seen is music and colors...

SpaceyKritter: so many people have those exact tastes though, so I wasn't really counting them.

vulpineblaze: well fine then... maby im not special to you... i still think theres more to this though...

SpaceyKritter: well, I'm just saying I find little in common with you, that doesn't mean that I used to think something special was there

SpaceyKritter: unlike you, I actually stick with what I'm feeling, without these fuckin weird-ass moodswings... *looks at you oddly*

vulpineblaze: what do you mean... your the one whos changed moods....

SpaceyKritter: how is that?

SpaceyKritter: I'm still happy

SpaceyKritter: you're picturing me angrier than I am

SpaceyKritter: I state things

vulpineblaze: iv kept fairly steady.. i liked you, then i liked you more.. with a breif exception of my drunkenness...

SpaceyKritter: I don't mean them as direct insults

vulpineblaze: you liked me, started to like me more.. then you n33ded space, your scared, you dont call for dayze

SpaceyKritter: that's when you tripped

SpaceyKritter: got depressed kinda

SpaceyKritter: said you were beginning to hate life more

SpaceyKritter: and are now perfectly fine

SpaceyKritter: I donno.

vulpineblaze: O.o? i was beginning to hate life cuz i got less n less tyme with you...

SpaceyKritter: I put what I feel in my diaries, it's my complete truth, do you exaggerate yours or something?

SpaceyKritter: *still looks at you oddly*

vulpineblaze: *i rarely explain myself fully.. i think too fast or something??*

SpaceyKritter: I guess.?

SpaceyKritter: I donno. It's seems like maybe usually there'd be some sort of effect from hearing what I had to say in my diary today, but then again, MY feelings in the matter never mean anything.

vulpineblaze: O.o?

SpaceyKritter: so maybe ur seeming a little more like my usual. But u really aren't. Less like neglecting, more creepy

SpaceyKritter: *sigh* I donno, whatever

vulpineblaze: no, explain

SpaceyKritter: yeah, leave it

vulpineblaze: the only reason social problems -ever- arise is from miscommunication n stubborness...

SpaceyKritter: "I wish he didn't do all this, I wish he would've given me that extra day, so I could've called him, and hung out for a bit. I just needed space. Does that mean I'm a bad person? I guess in his eyes it does. But no. I'm sorry, I was gonna call him. But I don't think I want to ever call him again. His bullshit about life is so wasting my time"

vulpineblaze: and so your only going to talk to me about this?

SpaceyKritter: yeah, that had no meaning?

vulpineblaze: i never said that

SpaceyKritter: that's what I said!

SpaceyKritter: do you care?!?!?!

vulpineblaze: Yes.

SpaceyKritter: ......

vulpineblaze: i never said it had no meaning

SpaceyKritter: whatever!!

SpaceyKritter: lol, you didn't even know that's what I'd written!

vulpineblaze: in fact, i wish i had waited, but ididnt kno i would hav caused this much trouble

SpaceyKritter: you don't seem to give a crap that, -maybe- I meant that?

SpaceyKritter: "But I don't think I want to ever call him again. His bullshit about life is so wasting my time"

vulpineblaze: *i knew, you misunderstood the first tyme i typed*

SpaceyKritter: that part mainly

SpaceyKritter: not the waiting

vulpineblaze: and that, it just hurt. and i was truly hoping you didnt mean it, which is why i was trying not to react

SpaceyKritter: lol, well even -after- I said I meant it you didn't seem to notice.

SpaceyKritter: so interesting

vulpineblaze: O.o?

vulpineblaze: how so?

SpaceyKritter: lmfao

SpaceyKritter: I said That had no meaning?

SpaceyKritter: what do you think I meant, waiting? we've gone through it

SpaceyKritter: I donno, it aggitated me that you seemed all perfectly happy "oh, well, she doesn't want to talk to me, but I still wanna see her so I will!!!"

vulpineblaze: i was perfectly happy, i was proud of myself i wanted to share that with you

SpaceyKritter: all of it seems to be true that my feelings don't really matter as long as you get what you want

vulpineblaze: of course, i could say the same about you

SpaceyKritter: how's that?

SpaceyKritter: I've made an effort

vulpineblaze: O.o?

SpaceyKritter: it hasn't worked out

SpaceyKritter: and so I'm scared off, but what? you want me to try and shake it off, then end up ditching you just like Christina?!

SpaceyKritter: I did that SO I could stay!

SpaceyKritter: I wanted to!

vulpineblaze: this is the first 'effort' iv seen... you havnt calld, and i was the one who first said 'you calld me for your spaces sake' and i did wait 2 or 3 days before calling

SpaceyKritter: but I'm starting to not want to anymore

SpaceyKritter: lmfao. Ok, I wasn't ready, how can that count as not effort?

SpaceyKritter: should I have not even tried?!?

vulpineblaze: and i was gonna wait longer, but i wanted to deliver the pic, and i only was gonna see you a minute or two, which shouldnt have bein that big of a deal!

SpaceyKritter: I'M NOT LIKE YOU! I was scared away so I should just not follow my feelings, force myself to hang out with you, force myself to be unhappy...

SpaceyKritter: woah, I liked the pic

vulpineblaze: id do it for you

SpaceyKritter: but ur talking about the none-calling

SpaceyKritter: I'm not talking about the pic

SpaceyKritter: it's you being aggitated over none-calls

vulpineblaze: i walked for an hour n a half in the cold, and i was tired as hell... just to give that too you

SpaceyKritter: yeah, even though -you knew- I needed space

SpaceyKritter: but this is SO not my problem!

SpaceyKritter: I'm not talking about that ONE thing

vulpineblaze: how is this not your problem?

SpaceyKritter: no, that topic wasn't what I was talking about

SpaceyKritter: my gosh

vulpineblaze: all of it roots back to you-n33d-space, so this is kinda on-topic

SpaceyKritter: no, I meant that one thing, about the pic

SpaceyKritter: dude

SpaceyKritter: *looks at you oddly again*

vulpineblaze: define 'that one thing'

SpaceyKritter: ABOUT THE PIC

SpaceyKritter: that you brought

SpaceyKritter: frustrating! you don't speak kritter at all!!

vulpineblaze: yes, ok, im sorry, but i didnt think youd be -that- upset over seeing me for only a minute or two

SpaceyKritter: I defied my kritterhood!! *shakes fist mentally* how could you ever do this to me, saturn!!


SpaceyKritter: but do you listen?!?!

vulpineblaze: *actually, technically, this is -myne- and since im older, i claim seniority... i jus didnt name it*

SpaceyKritter: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no

vulpineblaze: *omfg.. so confuzled*

SpaceyKritter: I'm saying, Jon, if you can actually find it in ur heart to listen

vulpineblaze: *listens*

SpaceyKritter: that, I liked the pic, I don't mind that you came over that day

SpaceyKritter: I mind that you were aggitated that I didn't call

SpaceyKritter: when -you knew- all I needed was space

SpaceyKritter: and also that you didn't seem to care the least about what I thought about calling you, you know, about me saying I'd never call you again

SpaceyKritter: so yeah

SpaceyKritter: I donno, this all aggrivates me so god damn much

vulpineblaze: ok, well you did imply you were 'grr' at me showing up that one day in an entry and here, i was upset at bing not-calld but i wasnt gonna do anything about it because i knew you needed space, and i was trying so hard to not-cry about you never-calling-agin.... aas i said, im still hoping you dont mean that, and so im avoiding reacting to it...

vulpineblaze: *knows how you feel*

vulpineblaze: *was d/c'd, sorries*

SpaceyKritter: wb

SpaceyKritter: it's ok

SpaceyKritter: one question though

SpaceyKritter: would you have preferred me to just break it off clean and smooth?

SpaceyKritter: cuz I stayed for you

SpaceyKritter: I wanted

SpaceyKritter: ...I wanted my space, so I could remind myself how great you were..

SpaceyKritter: and that I didn't need to be scared

SpaceyKritter: so I thought we could keep it on

SpaceyKritter: but, I'm not seeing that now.

SpaceyKritter: all I am is aggrivated

SpaceyKritter: all the space thing has gotten me is more pain

SpaceyKritter: welcome back...

SpaceyKritter: what was the last thing you saw me type?

vulpineblaze: ""all the space ....

vulpineblaze: and then welcome back *lolz*

vulpineblaze: *hates 56K*

SpaceyKritter: yeah..

SpaceyKritter: what was the last thing you saw me type?

vulpineblaze: that question ^^^^^

SpaceyKritter: oh.

SpaceyKritter: SpaceyKritter: cuz I stayed for you

SpaceyKritter: I wanted

SpaceyKritter: ...I wanted my space, so I could remind myself how great you were..

SpaceyKritter: and that I didn't need to be scared

SpaceyKritter: so I thought we could keep it on

SpaceyKritter: but, I'm not seeing that now.

SpaceyKritter: all I am is aggrivated

SpaceyKritter: all the space thing has gotten me is more pain

vulpineblaze: *knew*

SpaceyKritter: knew that I'd typed it, or that I was staying for you?

vulpineblaze: *both*

vulpineblaze: i would prefer you stay... but if your going to ditch me, the sooner the better... because it hurts so bad to wait not knowing anything about whats going on... i think if you had told me about your plan then things would have worked out better... but now im not even sure.. since im prolly never going to get another chance to fix things... i want you to not-be scared.. i want you back.

vulpineblaze: *was crying that over n over last nite... kiel thought i was talking about Jill.. i wasnt*

SpaceyKritter: ah

SpaceyKritter: aw..

SpaceyKritter: well. I was staying, and my plan -was- to stay. But I don't see anything to us anymore

vulpineblaze: you havnt had a chance to see 'us' in almost a week

vulpineblaze: actually, i think its bein more?

SpaceyKritter: yeah, I haven't wanted to

SpaceyKritter: things progressively got worse

SpaceyKritter: I don't see in ANY way how it's been more

vulpineblaze: really? *knew, had ph34r*

SpaceyKritter: *has already said that 3 times*

vulpineblaze: well, i dunno... iv lost track of days, and its felt like a year since iv seen you last...

SpaceyKritter: yeah, that's one thing that just does not work for me

SpaceyKritter: it seems like it's been hours for me

vulpineblaze: its because youv put almost everything else as a higher priority... im nothing to you, and it shows... meanwhile im the opposite, i care, too much...

SpaceyKritter: lol, Jon, I put -school- ahead of you

vulpineblaze: How?

SpaceyKritter: I put -school- ahead of everything

SpaceyKritter: not ANYTHING else

SpaceyKritter: I had plans, but I went with YOU instead

vulpineblaze: when was this?

vulpineblaze: or do you mean metaphor-style?

SpaceyKritter: each time we saw each other

SpaceyKritter: no...

SpaceyKritter: I always go do stuff

SpaceyKritter: I'd be shopping with mom, hanging with Maria

SpaceyKritter: I told her I had something to do

SpaceyKritter: she's cool with it

SpaceyKritter: so it was only school, and you say that's everything?

SpaceyKritter: school is my life, it's important to me

vulpineblaze: and now schools getting it due attention.. i got lucky for a few days, now im shit, right where i belong?

SpaceyKritter: *sighs*

SpaceyKritter: once again it feels as if you haven't heard a word I've said ^.^

vulpineblaze: same here :-P

SpaceyKritter: well, yeah, Jon, I don't really wanna go out with you anymore

vulpineblaze: and i dont wanna live anymore, go figure?

vulpineblaze: but then agin, its always bein thsi way

SpaceyKritter: yeah, just don't blame me for pathetic troubles in life

vulpineblaze: and you didnt come online to fix things today, you intended this

SpaceyKritter: I didn't -make- you hate life, your choice

vulpineblaze: your not my troubles

SpaceyKritter: I didn't think you'd be on

SpaceyKritter: you had a chance to fix things still. Depending on how this went

vulpineblaze: .. but you were the cure...

SpaceyKritter: but it went terribley

SpaceyKritter: pfft

SpaceyKritter: nope

SpaceyKritter: not me

vulpineblaze: im sorry, what was i supposed to say?

SpaceyKritter: like I knew?

SpaceyKritter: the only thing you made me feel tonight was anger, frustration, and aggrivation

SpaceyKritter: not to mention me feeling like someone talking to a happy wall

SpaceyKritter: so no.

vulpineblaze: what odd is you were getting space, it was confirmed at the beginning ^^^ and things are just as you cliam to want them

SpaceyKritter: what the fuck are you trying on me Jon? do you want to not give a shit what I say?

SpaceyKritter: just MAYBE I stated the truth?

SpaceyKritter: you have no idea how fucking happy I'll be to get rid of you if this is TRULY what you believe

vulpineblaze: well, your getting want you want, i dont really see why you still upset

SpaceyKritter: because trust means everything to me.

SpaceyKritter: lmfao.

SpaceyKritter: ohhh my Jon

vulpineblaze: id do -anything- but i guess thats not good enough?


SpaceyKritter: wow, you fucking bastard, you wanna TRY listening to me?!

SpaceyKritter: can it happen?!

SpaceyKritter: can you try trusting something?!

SpaceyKritter: please, this is pathetic!

vulpineblaze: its hard to trust when anytyme i start to im hurt

SpaceyKritter: yeah

SpaceyKritter: you must start anew

vulpineblaze: but ill listen -> what did i miss?

SpaceyKritter: I've been decieved

SpaceyKritter: I've been hurt

SpaceyKritter: oh my god



vulpineblaze: i knew that...

vulpineblaze: i never said that...

SpaceyKritter: !!!!!!!!!


vulpineblaze: show me

SpaceyKritter: please

SpaceyKritter: I don't need this bullshit

SpaceyKritter: kk

SpaceyKritter: well, your getting want you want, i dont really see why you still upset

SpaceyKritter: what odd is you were getting space, it was confirmed at the beginning ^^^ and things are just as you cliam to want them

SpaceyKritter: no, no, SO WRONG

SpaceyKritter: so whatever

vulpineblaze: ok, im still lost

SpaceyKritter: I'm gonna go to bed, nice and aggitated

SpaceyKritter: yeah, well, it's hard for some to follow

SpaceyKritter: *looks at you like ur a kid* sry babe

vulpineblaze: wait a second

SpaceyKritter: I'm gonna go so I can recoupe for tomorrow

vulpineblaze: i was talking present-tense.. you wanted to stay past-tense

vulpineblaze: now, you said it yourself you dont wanna stay

SpaceyKritter: not after this

vulpineblaze: and im still not completely sure why?

SpaceyKritter: lol!

vulpineblaze: because of what?

vulpineblaze: that im still trying

SpaceyKritter: you aggrivate te fuck outta me! that's why!

SpaceyKritter: you don't listen!

SpaceyKritter: you decide not to care bout certain things in denial!

vulpineblaze: was i jus supposed to say "whatever" and forget about you till you decide to call???

SpaceyKritter: you smother me, then get aggrivated that I'm not "trying" ard enough for you

vulpineblaze: i was going to back off

vulpineblaze: i said that

vulpineblaze: you miss things too

SpaceyKritter: that's what I would've done, but you wouldn't have to be that blatant

SpaceyKritter: I know you said that

SpaceyKritter: no, I heard, I know you were giving me some space

SpaceyKritter: but you also mentioned so many times how much it bothered you

SpaceyKritter: sorry for trying?!

vulpineblaze: it does! but im willing to deal with it, for you!!

SpaceyKritter: yeah, it doesn't seem like it

vulpineblaze: no, im getting pissed cuz you un-b/f'ing me...

SpaceyKritter: sorry for being scared away then aggrivated?

vulpineblaze: if things were just you get space, and will call in a few dayz.. everything would be fine

SpaceyKritter: if you still don't understand after how many times I've repeated myself

SpaceyKritter: you weren't meant to understand

SpaceyKritter: so stop even bothering, because it's really just bothering me

SpaceyKritter: and making me realize my good descision

SpaceyKritter: if this is the way it'll be in a fight

SpaceyKritter: I don't wanna deal with it

vulpineblaze: you hinted early on youd call.. you never denied it at least

SpaceyKritter: yeah

vulpineblaze: if you sdaying you wont call me agin, then fine

SpaceyKritter: what?

SpaceyKritter: no..

SpaceyKritter: I wouldn't have

SpaceyKritter: unless it was to break it off

SpaceyKritter: but no, I don't want to call you again

SpaceyKritter: I'm gonna leave, do a little more homework, recoupe, then compart my feelings and be the happy me again

SpaceyKritter: the one who isn't angered

vulpineblaze: i wish i could do that

SpaceyKritter: it's actually quite fun

SpaceyKritter: nice thing to learn

SpaceyKritter: so I'll see you in some other life.

SpaceyKritter: buh bye!

vulpineblaze: ... now, im curious, your not calling because i tryed to confirm the calling to hinted on earlier but decided to not-do after i tryed to make you agree to it?

SpaceyKritter: do you really want to drag me into my unhappiness again? I won't call, because you piss me off now

SpaceyKritter: I wouldn't call before because you had sen me already

SpaceyKritter: there was ur dose of Lauren

SpaceyKritter: twice in one day without being recouped?

SpaceyKritter: not a good idea

vulpineblaze: ok, i see

vulpineblaze: now, if oyu had actually said that.. none of this would have happened

vulpineblaze: *smiles, for reals* ... and things are still able to be good

SpaceyKritter: yeah, maybe not, but I hadn't decided yet

vulpineblaze: agin, if you had said that too...

SpaceyKritter: lol

vulpineblaze: the more i kno, the less likely i am to fuck up

SpaceyKritter: I hadn't decided it fully yet

vulpineblaze: which is why i try to talk to you

SpaceyKritter: yeah, the second I say things you seem to be hurt anyway

SpaceyKritter: but still, you keep dragging me back

SpaceyKritter: after this, don't even IM me, this is pissing me off to much

vulpineblaze: well, sux to be me... that hurt doesnt come close to this

SpaceyKritter: yeah, my aggrivation hasn't gotten this high before

vulpineblaze: and now your not-listening :-) because things could be so good.. but instead your not letting go of the misunderstanding from earlier

SpaceyKritter: so bye

SpaceyKritter: could be so good?!?

SpaceyKritter: I'm on the edge of hating you if you keep this up!

SpaceyKritter: no getting good!

SpaceyKritter: so please shut up, let me leave!

vulpineblaze: but see, if you leave, then im not gonna see you agibn.. if i keep pulling you back, i at least have a small chance of success

SpaceyKritter: ok, so I'll cya in some other lifetime then.

SpaceyKritter: once again ur self-centeredness

vulpineblaze: how so?

SpaceyKritter: because, I'm not explaining, ^.^ I'm leaving

SpaceyKritter signed off at 10:41:01 PM.

now, for the final word on my part... this was a fairly small misunderstnading, if she had explained things form the begining, a solution would have bein in place, and wed be together... i dont know how im being self-centered, since this is about getting her to be happy... im curious, am i the only one who sees this like i am seeing it, or am i dumb?? i mean, she wanted space, i said ok.. that pissed her off?

i hate life, throughly.. but il survive hopefully... im not even sure what to think.. my head hurts so badly, i decided to not-care and use my thinky... now im paying...

altho im pretty sure her argument was flawed... because, the solution is already in place, she has no reaosn to be upset? i dunno.. im totally drained...

hopefully christina reads this trm morning... i n33d a third-person-responce. plus, im hoping she'll be willing to see what Laurens problem was exactly?

or maby christina will see my flaw?

either way.. my thinky is in off-mode.. i feel sick, and very sad


*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

~WakingUp [email protected]~! Zeroe'dIn~

Index.html~ Archives~ Profile~ Email!~ Guestbook!~ Cast!~ ringz~ Jill!~ n0tes~ AboutME~ Surveyz~ host?

!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

Get reviewed by DiaryReviews!

Join the Chaos!