2003-04-09 @ 4:32 p.m.
hangover, and a boring yet coolies day
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calichik409: hey
vulpineblaze: *quickly turns down my streo* .. ello .. i have the worst hangover iv ever had... *p41n*
calichik409: i'm sorry, i've never drunk, so i can't say that, but i'm still sorry
vulpineblaze: :-) its ok i guess... ill just sit here n feel like shit :-D
calichik409: drink coffe, or water
vulpineblaze: water, and i am
calichik409: well, is that helping
vulpineblaze: not really
calichik409: oh. i'm sorry
calichik409: do u know why dwight is talking to me again
calichik409: he stopped after we broke up
calichik409: and now he's talking to me, and he's writing me and stuff
vulpineblaze: everytyme i try to think, especialy about las nite, it gets worse... so not-thinking helps :-) ... how long has dwight bein re-talking to you
vulpineblaze: ^^???
calichik409: just today
vulpineblaze: then its cuz of last night
calichik409: i was standing there and he walked up and told me he was going to write me, and he kept lookin at me and all
vulpineblaze: i cryed alot... maby you made your way into it?
vulpineblaze: *doesnt remember tho*
calichik409: and he's talking to me b/c of last night
calichik409: ?
vulpineblaze: maby
calichik409: i don't know
calichik409: *confuzled*
vulpineblaze: why confuzled?
calichik409: i'm not sure
calichik409: he hasn't talked to me in a while, and he's all nice to me and talking and all next thing i know
vulpineblaze: hes prolly running recon because of stuff i babbled/cryed las nite
calichik409: oh
vulpineblaze: or maby he just remembered that he hadnt talked to you in while n decided to start agin..???
calichik409: maybe...... i don't know but i'm gonna email him and be like, hey.... um yeah
vulpineblaze: ahh :-)
vulpineblaze: speaking of recon, any news from Lauren? she still hate me??
calichik409: she doesn't hate you and she never did
calichik409: but it's just that she did want her space
calichik409: and she made that perfectly clear
vulpineblaze: and i want some consideration, and she knew that long before she wanted space. and, if she calld and was all "hey, ill call you agin sunday" then yea, id have no problem... instead i dont kno when im gonna hear from her agin and it scares me really bad...
calichik409: but she was going to call u today... it's just i don't think she's going to now...
vulpineblaze: and if she told me that las friday, then this week would have gone much better!
calichik409: i guess. but she just wanted to be in control, and be like hey, i'm going to call him, ya know? things like that i guess
calichik409: maybe? i don't know
vulpineblaze: yeah, and thats fine, as long as i have a general estimate on when itll happen... i mean, id actually prefer to have space too, i like spending most of the week w/ friends n stuff... but i want security more, i wanna kno shes there... and id like to spend tyme with her too... i dont see how a few calls and maby a visit or two a week is too imposing
calichik409: she has school. and her grades have been slipping, so she's been studying and doing homework all the time, and you just don't really seem to care about her grades, you just seem to want to see her whenever, not caring what she's doing, just wanting to have your way basically
vulpineblaze: not really... altho i can see how it looks that way... and if she said "no, not seeing you this week, ill call friday, and maby we'll hang out this weekend" then id be happy.. but if she doesnt say anything, then i dont know what happening at all? ... plus, if i show up for tyme-periods that dont affect anything, like that morning for instance, then that shouldnt be a problem... cuz she didnt lose HW tyme or anything, right?
vulpineblaze: **sorrys, d/c'd**
calichik409: she has to get ready for school
calichik409: it does take time away
vulpineblaze: she was at school, she was ready...
calichik409: you cant do that
vulpineblaze: Why?
calichik409: someone (like maria) would catch you, find out you didn't go here, and kick you off school grounds
vulpineblaze: ok, thats a risk im willing to take
vulpineblaze: it doesnt affect Lauren in any way
vulpineblaze: **d/c'd agin, i might havta stabb someone*
calichik409: it's ok
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: my everything hurts tho... so im kinda 'grr' right now
calichik409: so am i
calichik409: i'm tired and hungry
calichik409: but cant go to sleep and dont have any good food right now
vulpineblaze: :-P but see, you didnt fall down alot on concrete, puch solid objects, have a killer headache n tummy ache, and come 3 inches from slitting your own wrists :-)
calichik409: i've had a killer tummy ache for awhile actually, and i've had a huge headache for the past 3 days
vulpineblaze: are you typing w/ split knuckles tho?
vulpineblaze: *has you beat*
calichik409: no............. but i also didn't get stupid enough to get drunk, and punch a wall
calichik409: i wouldve drank, but not gotten drunk
vulpineblaze: *lolz* you hav a point
calichik409: and i wouldve controlled my feelings
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: i punchd kiels car, cuz he drove it a lil at me... i think i punched a tree? ... and i thrashed the inside of his car when Taproot came on, cu zi calld KWOD to tell them that even being this drunk, i hate wimpy rock, like taproot.. and then that bitch-dj plays it...
calichik409: that's kinda funny actually
vulpineblaze: it is :-D
vulpineblaze: but at the tyme i was pissed
calichik409: yeah
vulpineblaze: i kept saying shit about dune.. they would say "theres frank herbert" and id start attacking that direction, and fall...
vulpineblaze: id hold out my hand and scream "I AM Desert Power!"
vulpineblaze: or "The Sleeper Has Awoken!"
vulpineblaze: *two dune-quotes
calichik409: yeah
vulpineblaze: but yeah, i can keep secrets while drunk :-) ... they tried to find out my DLand acct name... they didnt succeed
vulpineblaze: *feels proud*
vulpineblaze: i drank more than ever before.. by more-than-double
calichik409: yeah
vulpineblaze: i usually take 9 chugs of Vodka.... this tyme i started with 10, and then later did another 12
calichik409: crazy
vulpineblaze: yeah...
vulpineblaze: whats crazy is i managed to climb a fence?
calichik409: i didn't
vulpineblaze: O.o?
calichik409: climb a fence
vulpineblaze: ... i did, while so drunk i could hardly walk... it was tough
calichik409: yeah
calichik409: lauren just added an entry
vulpineblaze: most of the night i kept hyperventalating tho... and it hapens now sometymes too.. im not sure whats up w/ that?
calichik409: i do that when i laugh to hard
vulpineblaze: i just did it... fer no reason... it happened, like, 30 mins ago agin... it was creepy
calichik409: crazy
calichik409: are you going to add an entry in the next couple of minutes?
calichik409: i'm adding one right now *types*
vulpineblaze: no, actually im gonna look into closing my acct
calichik409: ok
calichik409: what acct?
vulpineblaze: my thoughts are causing me too much trouble. so im gonna go back to keeping them myne-only
vulpineblaze: plus shes taking the drunk typey way too seriously... im not even sure what i typed... but i think it was bad
calichik409: go and read it
vulpineblaze: No.
calichik409: ok?
vulpineblaze: im afraid the headache will get worse, and i kno the heartache will
calichik409: oh
vulpineblaze: **d/c'd agin.. grr'ness**
vulpineblaze: maby i was right this whole tyme... i shouldnt hav lived this long...
vulpineblaze: i mean, i cant do anything right, i cant even think correctly?
calichik409: i think you can
calichik409: you just have to think things through
calichik409: added entry
vulpineblaze: thinging things thru makes stuff worse..
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: and i never considered Lauren a zombie... she hasnt earned any darkside points yet... i dont even kno why she thought that?
vulpineblaze: you werent a zombie, you were just tempted my the power... and even then, you didnt pursue it
calichik409: so i'm not a zombie either?
calichik409: so confuzled
vulpineblaze: i explained this earlier, but im rarely listened to too apparently
calichik409: u explained it before?
vulpineblaze: do you hate the living? do you frequently do evil things to try and destroy lives?
vulpineblaze: Ys, i did
vulpineblaze: ^yes :-P
calichik409: oh
vulpineblaze: well, to answer my questions for you, i havnt seen any indecation you hate the living n do evil.. you got close, and i was 'grr, your getting close'.. but then you didnt... so your safe
calichik409: thats kewl
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: i jus realized.. i hav a fever... holy shit...
calichik409: take an asprin
vulpineblaze: id rather not
vulpineblaze: i despise chemical dependance
calichik409: oh
vulpineblaze: :-)
calichik409: well do u have anything to take that would make u feel ne better?
vulpineblaze: i have some alcohol left :-D
calichik409: i guess
vulpineblaze: but im not gonna take pillz
calichik409: just dont get drunk again
vulpineblaze: but i want to kinda... even when i was crying i felt better about things than i do now
calichik409: well, if u need to cry again
calichik409: you know i'm here
vulpineblaze: no, i dont think i do really
calichik409: but if u ever need to talk to someone and dwight isn't there call me
vulpineblaze: and even if i did, i cant cry on comand.. it hasta happen on its own
vulpineblaze: :-) ok
calichik409: :-)
vulpineblaze: *ouch* ... i bent my hand in a certain way.. not good.. i almost re-opened a cut there... its kinda funny, when im sober, i cant go full force, i always lift up a lil ... when im drunk, i ended up pressing down harder... its not too bad tho, im sure i dont need stitches :-)
vulpineblaze: it just bled alot more than i would'a guessd
calichik409: thats bad
vulpineblaze: Really?
calichik409: if it bled
vulpineblaze: they all bleed, its jus usual i lil.. this tyme it was alot more
calichik409: i dont like blood
vulpineblaze: awww... im sorry.. i dont either..
vulpineblaze: altho im still impressed i drew that well :-D
calichik409: so was i
calichik409: was like thats good
vulpineblaze: i was SO happy from when i drew it to right when i saw her smile fade when she saw me.. thats when i knew my life was shit, and im not cool
calichik409: your life isn't shit. she just needed her space, and u didn;'t quite give it to her
vulpineblaze: exactly my point
vulpineblaze: im not cool, my life is shit, and im hella dumb
calichik409: your not dumb, your one of the smartest people i know
vulpineblaze: then why isnt my life happy?
calichik409: b/c of your mom. (just blame it on her) somehow it's her fault :-)
calichik409: my life isn't happy
calichik409: just look at things on the bright side
calichik409: thats what i do
vulpineblaze: :-) actually, it is her fault... she used to always do that "oh, if you hadnt bugged me you'd be off grounding now" .. i hated it so much, and a usually ignore any notion of following it because thats bullshit... so when lauren was all "i would have calld, but now i dont think so" .. i was like.. oh shit, what now? if it was my mom, id iggy her and act like im off grounding.. so of course my first thought was to walk over there... but that would make things worse. so ill jus pretend she didnt say that
vulpineblaze: the bright side of my life hasnt calld back... so i have nothing, my life is shit
vulpineblaze: *has a very strong sense of defiance..*
calichik409: but um...........
vulpineblaze: yeah, im trying hard tho not-to hate life...
vulpineblaze: cuz lauren gets unhappy... and she is my primary interest
calichik409: just think of it this way, just give her time, in the meanwhile hangout with friends, try not to think of her, think happy thoughts
vulpineblaze: i guess
calichik409: thats what i did
vulpineblaze: *jus breifly hyperventalated agin.. creepy*
calichik409: do u think it's anything serious?
calichik409: if u do, do u think u should go to the hospital?
vulpineblaze: the physical imbodyment of my overwhelmed nervousness... i made the connection, its every tyme i think about lauren, my diary, and/or the future.. i jus thought about all three
vulpineblaze: i prolly should.. but whatever
vulpineblaze: maby i should draw agin?
vulpineblaze: altho later, since my head hurts now...
calichik409: yeah
calichik409: try to sleep
vulpineblaze: i n33d more piccys of lauren tho...
vulpineblaze: i cant sl33p .... i get sick
calichik409: oh
calichik409: i have one of us (me and her) on my site
calichik409: and she has a site w/ pics of her
calichik409: do u want the site?
vulpineblaze: *sorrys, back*
vulpineblaze: i have all those pics off -both- her sites
calichik409: oh
calichik409: she has 2
calichik409: ?
calichik409: what the other 1?
vulpineblaze: i kinda found it.. im not sure if it was intended to be public
calichik409: the one where it has the pics of her eating doing laudry and things like that
calichik409: i haver that 1
calichik409: have*
vulpineblaze: *knew*
calichik409: aaaah
vulpineblaze: i read my drunken entrys.. im not impressd
calichik409: i'm sorry
vulpineblaze: i thought i had more in there?
calichik409: there were 2
vulpineblaze: i guess that was either dreams i had or thoughts i had before geting home?
vulpineblaze: *read both*
calichik409: ooooh
calichik409: i dont know then
calichik409: hes a retard
calichik409: sorry
vulpineblaze: who?
calichik409: talkin to someone else (talks about rodney)
vulpineblaze: *cant help bu think its about me still - is paranoid*
calichik409: we went out 4 7 months and dumped me andgot his new gf to chew me out a while agp
vulpineblaze: that sux
calichik409: yeah
calichik409: then this year he tells me he loves me and wantz to marry me, then his NEW gf chews me out, and then i try and see why she/he did that, and he said he couldn't ever talk to me again, but couldn't explain y
vulpineblaze: rolling down a hill, knowing your head in aligned with a steel grate while so drunk you cant tell how fast your rolling, or even if your still rolling downhill at all... thats scary
calichik409: yeah
vulpineblaze: that dude is pretty dumb
vulpineblaze: *feels a little better(&smarter) now*
calichik409: u should
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: my headache is slowly fading, i feel kinda better now :-D
vulpineblaze: i dunno... other than just sitting n waiting; is there anything you think i could do to help my situation out??
vulpineblaze: :-)?
vulpineblaze: what day is today?
calichik409: hold on
calichik409: wedsesday
vulpineblaze: oh shit...
calichik409: what
vulpineblaze: the week went faster than i would hav hoped
calichik409: y
calichik409 signed off at 5:21:01 PM.
calichik409 signed on at 5:21:03 PM.
vulpineblaze: *is drawing* ... cuz, im leaving thursday... grr'ness
calichik409: oh
vulpineblaze: i really like it so far :-D
calichik409: thats good
vulpineblaze: :-) i think you'll laugh ...
calichik409: no
vulpineblaze: its gonna r0x
vulpineblaze: *i want you to laugh..*
calichik409: k?
calichik409: (haha)
calichik409: :-)
vulpineblaze: :-)
vulpineblaze: http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=96 <-- you havta hav seen this for my drawing to make sense tho
calichik409: cute
vulpineblaze: and im done :-D
calichik409: :-)
vulpineblaze: im kinda pissed now... i drew this super-coolies drawing, and i have no way to show it off :-(
vulpineblaze: maby ill jus go n do another?
calichik409: go to kinkos and save it to a disk
vulpineblaze: but see, i hav a hangover.. my head still hurts some
calichik409: oh
calichik409: sux
vulpineblaze: plus i dun wanna walk that far
calichik409: yeah
vulpineblaze: does Lauren hav a scanner?
calichik409: dont think so
vulpineblaze: Hmm.. could you ask for me?
calichik409: sure
calichik409: she isn't on right now though
vulpineblaze: her brother is
calichik409: hold on
calichik409: no he's not
vulpineblaze: k:-)
calichik409: he's idol
vulpineblaze: still try?
calichik409: no but she has access 2 1
vulpineblaze: access, is it w/ her in the house?
calichik409: i dont know
calichik409: whats your idea?
vulpineblaze: well, if i were to give it to you, to give to her, could she have it scanned?
calichik409: i have a scanner
vulpineblaze: even better :-D
calichik409: :-)
calichik409 signed off at 6:08:05 PM.
that oddly fits my thoughts...
i drew two more piccys of Lauren ^^ as mentioned above
i locked the diary
lateda
-0ut
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