2003-04-09 @ 4:32 p.m.
hangover, and a boring yet coolies day

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calichik409: hey

vulpineblaze: *quickly turns down my streo* .. ello .. i have the worst hangover iv ever had... *p41n*

calichik409: i'm sorry, i've never drunk, so i can't say that, but i'm still sorry

vulpineblaze: :-) its ok i guess... ill just sit here n feel like shit :-D

calichik409: drink coffe, or water

vulpineblaze: water, and i am

calichik409: well, is that helping

vulpineblaze: not really

calichik409: oh. i'm sorry

calichik409: do u know why dwight is talking to me again

calichik409: he stopped after we broke up

calichik409: and now he's talking to me, and he's writing me and stuff

vulpineblaze: everytyme i try to think, especialy about las nite, it gets worse... so not-thinking helps :-) ... how long has dwight bein re-talking to you

vulpineblaze: ^^???

calichik409: just today

vulpineblaze: then its cuz of last night

calichik409: i was standing there and he walked up and told me he was going to write me, and he kept lookin at me and all

vulpineblaze: i cryed alot... maby you made your way into it?

vulpineblaze: *doesnt remember tho*

calichik409: and he's talking to me b/c of last night

calichik409: ?

vulpineblaze: maby

calichik409: i don't know

calichik409: *confuzled*

vulpineblaze: why confuzled?

calichik409: i'm not sure

calichik409: he hasn't talked to me in a while, and he's all nice to me and talking and all next thing i know

vulpineblaze: hes prolly running recon because of stuff i babbled/cryed las nite

calichik409: oh

vulpineblaze: or maby he just remembered that he hadnt talked to you in while n decided to start agin..???

calichik409: maybe...... i don't know but i'm gonna email him and be like, hey.... um yeah

vulpineblaze: ahh :-)

vulpineblaze: speaking of recon, any news from Lauren? she still hate me??

calichik409: she doesn't hate you and she never did

calichik409: but it's just that she did want her space

calichik409: and she made that perfectly clear

vulpineblaze: and i want some consideration, and she knew that long before she wanted space. and, if she calld and was all "hey, ill call you agin sunday" then yea, id have no problem... instead i dont kno when im gonna hear from her agin and it scares me really bad...

calichik409: but she was going to call u today... it's just i don't think she's going to now...

vulpineblaze: and if she told me that las friday, then this week would have gone much better!

calichik409: i guess. but she just wanted to be in control, and be like hey, i'm going to call him, ya know? things like that i guess

calichik409: maybe? i don't know

vulpineblaze: yeah, and thats fine, as long as i have a general estimate on when itll happen... i mean, id actually prefer to have space too, i like spending most of the week w/ friends n stuff... but i want security more, i wanna kno shes there... and id like to spend tyme with her too... i dont see how a few calls and maby a visit or two a week is too imposing

calichik409: she has school. and her grades have been slipping, so she's been studying and doing homework all the time, and you just don't really seem to care about her grades, you just seem to want to see her whenever, not caring what she's doing, just wanting to have your way basically

vulpineblaze: not really... altho i can see how it looks that way... and if she said "no, not seeing you this week, ill call friday, and maby we'll hang out this weekend" then id be happy.. but if she doesnt say anything, then i dont know what happening at all? ... plus, if i show up for tyme-periods that dont affect anything, like that morning for instance, then that shouldnt be a problem... cuz she didnt lose HW tyme or anything, right?

vulpineblaze: **sorrys, d/c'd**

calichik409: she has to get ready for school

calichik409: it does take time away

vulpineblaze: she was at school, she was ready...

calichik409: you cant do that

vulpineblaze: Why?

calichik409: someone (like maria) would catch you, find out you didn't go here, and kick you off school grounds

vulpineblaze: ok, thats a risk im willing to take

vulpineblaze: it doesnt affect Lauren in any way

vulpineblaze: **d/c'd agin, i might havta stabb someone*

calichik409: it's ok

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: my everything hurts tho... so im kinda 'grr' right now

calichik409: so am i

calichik409: i'm tired and hungry

calichik409: but cant go to sleep and dont have any good food right now

vulpineblaze: :-P but see, you didnt fall down alot on concrete, puch solid objects, have a killer headache n tummy ache, and come 3 inches from slitting your own wrists :-)

calichik409: i've had a killer tummy ache for awhile actually, and i've had a huge headache for the past 3 days

vulpineblaze: are you typing w/ split knuckles tho?

vulpineblaze: *has you beat*

calichik409: no............. but i also didn't get stupid enough to get drunk, and punch a wall

calichik409: i wouldve drank, but not gotten drunk

vulpineblaze: *lolz* you hav a point

calichik409: and i wouldve controlled my feelings

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: i punchd kiels car, cuz he drove it a lil at me... i think i punched a tree? ... and i thrashed the inside of his car when Taproot came on, cu zi calld KWOD to tell them that even being this drunk, i hate wimpy rock, like taproot.. and then that bitch-dj plays it...

calichik409: that's kinda funny actually

vulpineblaze: it is :-D

vulpineblaze: but at the tyme i was pissed

calichik409: yeah

vulpineblaze: i kept saying shit about dune.. they would say "theres frank herbert" and id start attacking that direction, and fall...

vulpineblaze: id hold out my hand and scream "I AM Desert Power!"

vulpineblaze: or "The Sleeper Has Awoken!"

vulpineblaze: *two dune-quotes

calichik409: yeah

vulpineblaze: but yeah, i can keep secrets while drunk :-) ... they tried to find out my DLand acct name... they didnt succeed

vulpineblaze: *feels proud*

vulpineblaze: i drank more than ever before.. by more-than-double

calichik409: yeah

vulpineblaze: i usually take 9 chugs of Vodka.... this tyme i started with 10, and then later did another 12

calichik409: crazy

vulpineblaze: yeah...

vulpineblaze: whats crazy is i managed to climb a fence?

calichik409: i didn't

vulpineblaze: O.o?

calichik409: climb a fence

vulpineblaze: ... i did, while so drunk i could hardly walk... it was tough

calichik409: yeah

calichik409: lauren just added an entry

vulpineblaze: most of the night i kept hyperventalating tho... and it hapens now sometymes too.. im not sure whats up w/ that?

calichik409: i do that when i laugh to hard

vulpineblaze: i just did it... fer no reason... it happened, like, 30 mins ago agin... it was creepy

calichik409: crazy

calichik409: are you going to add an entry in the next couple of minutes?

calichik409: i'm adding one right now *types*

vulpineblaze: no, actually im gonna look into closing my acct

calichik409: ok

calichik409: what acct?

vulpineblaze: my thoughts are causing me too much trouble. so im gonna go back to keeping them myne-only

vulpineblaze: plus shes taking the drunk typey way too seriously... im not even sure what i typed... but i think it was bad

calichik409: go and read it

vulpineblaze: No.

calichik409: ok?

vulpineblaze: im afraid the headache will get worse, and i kno the heartache will

calichik409: oh

vulpineblaze: **d/c'd agin.. grr'ness**

vulpineblaze: maby i was right this whole tyme... i shouldnt hav lived this long...

vulpineblaze: i mean, i cant do anything right, i cant even think correctly?

calichik409: i think you can

calichik409: you just have to think things through

calichik409: added entry

vulpineblaze: thinging things thru makes stuff worse..

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: and i never considered Lauren a zombie... she hasnt earned any darkside points yet... i dont even kno why she thought that?

vulpineblaze: you werent a zombie, you were just tempted my the power... and even then, you didnt pursue it

calichik409: so i'm not a zombie either?

calichik409: so confuzled

vulpineblaze: i explained this earlier, but im rarely listened to too apparently

calichik409: u explained it before?

vulpineblaze: do you hate the living? do you frequently do evil things to try and destroy lives?

vulpineblaze: Ys, i did

vulpineblaze: ^yes :-P

calichik409: oh

vulpineblaze: well, to answer my questions for you, i havnt seen any indecation you hate the living n do evil.. you got close, and i was 'grr, your getting close'.. but then you didnt... so your safe

calichik409: thats kewl

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: i jus realized.. i hav a fever... holy shit...

calichik409: take an asprin

vulpineblaze: id rather not

vulpineblaze: i despise chemical dependance

calichik409: oh

vulpineblaze: :-)

calichik409: well do u have anything to take that would make u feel ne better?

vulpineblaze: i have some alcohol left :-D

calichik409: i guess

vulpineblaze: but im not gonna take pillz

calichik409: just dont get drunk again

vulpineblaze: but i want to kinda... even when i was crying i felt better about things than i do now

calichik409: well, if u need to cry again

calichik409: you know i'm here

vulpineblaze: no, i dont think i do really

calichik409: but if u ever need to talk to someone and dwight isn't there call me

vulpineblaze: and even if i did, i cant cry on comand.. it hasta happen on its own

vulpineblaze: :-) ok

calichik409: :-)

vulpineblaze: *ouch* ... i bent my hand in a certain way.. not good.. i almost re-opened a cut there... its kinda funny, when im sober, i cant go full force, i always lift up a lil ... when im drunk, i ended up pressing down harder... its not too bad tho, im sure i dont need stitches :-)

vulpineblaze: it just bled alot more than i would'a guessd

calichik409: thats bad

vulpineblaze: Really?

calichik409: if it bled

vulpineblaze: they all bleed, its jus usual i lil.. this tyme it was alot more

calichik409: i dont like blood

vulpineblaze: awww... im sorry.. i dont either..

vulpineblaze: altho im still impressed i drew that well :-D

calichik409: so was i

calichik409: was like thats good

vulpineblaze: i was SO happy from when i drew it to right when i saw her smile fade when she saw me.. thats when i knew my life was shit, and im not cool

calichik409: your life isn't shit. she just needed her space, and u didn;'t quite give it to her

vulpineblaze: exactly my point

vulpineblaze: im not cool, my life is shit, and im hella dumb

calichik409: your not dumb, your one of the smartest people i know

vulpineblaze: then why isnt my life happy?

calichik409: b/c of your mom. (just blame it on her) somehow it's her fault :-)

calichik409: my life isn't happy

calichik409: just look at things on the bright side

calichik409: thats what i do

vulpineblaze: :-) actually, it is her fault... she used to always do that "oh, if you hadnt bugged me you'd be off grounding now" .. i hated it so much, and a usually ignore any notion of following it because thats bullshit... so when lauren was all "i would have calld, but now i dont think so" .. i was like.. oh shit, what now? if it was my mom, id iggy her and act like im off grounding.. so of course my first thought was to walk over there... but that would make things worse. so ill jus pretend she didnt say that

vulpineblaze: the bright side of my life hasnt calld back... so i have nothing, my life is shit

vulpineblaze: *has a very strong sense of defiance..*

calichik409: but um...........

vulpineblaze: yeah, im trying hard tho not-to hate life...

vulpineblaze: cuz lauren gets unhappy... and she is my primary interest

calichik409: just think of it this way, just give her time, in the meanwhile hangout with friends, try not to think of her, think happy thoughts

vulpineblaze: i guess

calichik409: thats what i did

vulpineblaze: *jus breifly hyperventalated agin.. creepy*

calichik409: do u think it's anything serious?

calichik409: if u do, do u think u should go to the hospital?

vulpineblaze: the physical imbodyment of my overwhelmed nervousness... i made the connection, its every tyme i think about lauren, my diary, and/or the future.. i jus thought about all three

vulpineblaze: i prolly should.. but whatever

vulpineblaze: maby i should draw agin?

vulpineblaze: altho later, since my head hurts now...

calichik409: yeah

calichik409: try to sleep

vulpineblaze: i n33d more piccys of lauren tho...

vulpineblaze: i cant sl33p .... i get sick

calichik409: oh

calichik409: i have one of us (me and her) on my site

calichik409: and she has a site w/ pics of her

calichik409: do u want the site?

vulpineblaze: *sorrys, back*

vulpineblaze: i have all those pics off -both- her sites

calichik409: oh

calichik409: she has 2

calichik409: ?

calichik409: what the other 1?

vulpineblaze: i kinda found it.. im not sure if it was intended to be public

calichik409: the one where it has the pics of her eating doing laudry and things like that

calichik409: i haver that 1

calichik409: have*

vulpineblaze: *knew*

calichik409: aaaah

vulpineblaze: i read my drunken entrys.. im not impressd

calichik409: i'm sorry

vulpineblaze: i thought i had more in there?

calichik409: there were 2

vulpineblaze: i guess that was either dreams i had or thoughts i had before geting home?

vulpineblaze: *read both*

calichik409: ooooh

calichik409: i dont know then

calichik409: hes a retard

calichik409: sorry

vulpineblaze: who?

calichik409: talkin to someone else (talks about rodney)

vulpineblaze: *cant help bu think its about me still - is paranoid*

calichik409: we went out 4 7 months and dumped me andgot his new gf to chew me out a while agp

vulpineblaze: that sux

calichik409: yeah

calichik409: then this year he tells me he loves me and wantz to marry me, then his NEW gf chews me out, and then i try and see why she/he did that, and he said he couldn't ever talk to me again, but couldn't explain y

vulpineblaze: rolling down a hill, knowing your head in aligned with a steel grate while so drunk you cant tell how fast your rolling, or even if your still rolling downhill at all... thats scary

calichik409: yeah

vulpineblaze: that dude is pretty dumb

vulpineblaze: *feels a little better(&smarter) now*

calichik409: u should

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: my headache is slowly fading, i feel kinda better now :-D

vulpineblaze: i dunno... other than just sitting n waiting; is there anything you think i could do to help my situation out??

vulpineblaze: :-)?

vulpineblaze: what day is today?

calichik409: hold on

calichik409: wedsesday

vulpineblaze: oh shit...

calichik409: what

vulpineblaze: the week went faster than i would hav hoped

calichik409: y

calichik409 signed off at 5:21:01 PM.

calichik409 signed on at 5:21:03 PM.

vulpineblaze: *is drawing* ... cuz, im leaving thursday... grr'ness

calichik409: oh

vulpineblaze: i really like it so far :-D

calichik409: thats good

vulpineblaze: :-) i think you'll laugh ...

calichik409: no

vulpineblaze: its gonna r0x

vulpineblaze: *i want you to laugh..*

calichik409: k?

calichik409: (haha)

calichik409: :-)

vulpineblaze: :-)

vulpineblaze: http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=96 <-- you havta hav seen this for my drawing to make sense tho

calichik409: cute

vulpineblaze: and im done :-D

calichik409: :-)

vulpineblaze: im kinda pissed now... i drew this super-coolies drawing, and i have no way to show it off :-(

vulpineblaze: maby ill jus go n do another?

calichik409: go to kinkos and save it to a disk

vulpineblaze: but see, i hav a hangover.. my head still hurts some

calichik409: oh

calichik409: sux

vulpineblaze: plus i dun wanna walk that far

calichik409: yeah

vulpineblaze: does Lauren hav a scanner?

calichik409: dont think so

vulpineblaze: Hmm.. could you ask for me?

calichik409: sure

calichik409: she isn't on right now though

vulpineblaze: her brother is

calichik409: hold on

calichik409: no he's not

vulpineblaze: k:-)

calichik409: he's idol

vulpineblaze: still try?

calichik409: no but she has access 2 1

vulpineblaze: access, is it w/ her in the house?

calichik409: i dont know

calichik409: whats your idea?

vulpineblaze: well, if i were to give it to you, to give to her, could she have it scanned?

calichik409: i have a scanner

vulpineblaze: even better :-D

calichik409: :-)

calichik409 signed off at 6:08:05 PM.

that oddly fits my thoughts...

i drew two more piccys of Lauren ^^ as mentioned above

i locked the diary



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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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