2003-04-07 @ 3:46 a.m.
4am ~ some lame ranting about my lameness, and some depiction of a nite

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CellPhone: 8212392 , jus incase she lost my number

Food: my super-nervous used to be cured by food, but this inceeds any previous levels of terror ..

Challenge: Survival, under incredible pressure from within to perform so far beyond myself...

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ok, so i chill awhile then kie shows up.. were gonna hang out n such... he brought jeff... then we got dwight.. so there was some uneven tension ... we went to jack, got a soda n such, then went out to WL .. it was creepy as always... kiel got a new speaker-type thing in back of his car, so his music is much better than before... but after WL he took dwight n jeff home.. then we went to the run, it was fun as always.. im gonna save some H4rDC0r3 for trm nite when i verbally attack the KWOD radio-dude fer playing dumpy songs all fucking nite..

~ I miss Lauren.

...

trm me n kiel might go visit some of the houses on our route.. especially this one super-creepy house ... and we'll prolly see brie agin ...

im so worried... i dont think my tummy has felt this worried since *th grade.. usually it starts to when im -Super- nervous, but then i eat and it stops...... i tried eating, it didnt really help.. it went down a lil, then came back full 5 minz later... only not-thinking about stuff helped, and that was only on the run...

i wish i knew something i could do to make this go away... i just wanna see her agin, tell i care and she can have all the space she wants... i just dont wanna lose her, i dont wanna go this long without contact, or knowing when ill see her agin...

but, looking to apessimistic future, im gonna hold to my earlier rant.. im not gonna get another g/f after Lauren... maby even -ever- ... i know it wont be fer years prolly... and i guess i should get in that mindset, cuz iv prolly lost her, even tho this is still fixable.. and even if it is fixd, itll be quite awhile till i see her agin after July 29th... so yeah...

maby ill add a few reminders to my list.. the first lame-ass attempts have healed already, but theres five prominent new reminders there.. very visible tho.. im kinda afraid.. *eep*

grr...

ill prolly have an entry after this before ppl see :D no one bothers to click back i think... and most ppl dont even read it.. they look fer there names and start there...

well, Lauren needs to call. Its her turn to call me, and it best helps her decide when shes ready.. but my interests are involved too, and every hour that passes i get sadder ... i havnt heard her voice for two days ...

*wants to cry, or do something destructive*

I miss her terribly....

-0ut

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