2003-04-07 @ 10:04 p.m.
i cant believe one day could be this lame. ~ but i dont hate life (yet)

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CellPhone: 8212392 , she cant claim to have los this number; and anyone can call, anytyme, im lonely

Music: im gonna yell at the DJ tonite.. i hate him, his music, and im pissed off anywayz

Challenge: keeping sane long enough to get calld... im not winning

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*smiles* today was complter shit

i mean it..

i managed to not-hate-life right up unitl -now-

im holding back tho.. maby a lil longer

so i wake up, and guess what, i remember i havta go to the navy office.. grr'ness

so i do that, kiel shows up with Darrel n some other kid... great, they smell funny, i dont really like them.. grr'ness ...

so after some cruizing and a trip to the galleria *which sux major richie ass* darrel gets dropped off.. then we get Natalie whoz tripping and totally being turned by the zombies.. so of course i watch kiel bid evil back at her... this world is slowly decaying to shit..

then she leaves, and we go drive awhile till we stop agin at the mall.. one good thing about today we were supposed to see brie, which is gonna have a happyily-ever-after w/ jordan but no, she didnt show up... no one did... at all... then the mall closed

now im here

and then im thinking, well, maby lauren would have actually made an entry... i mean, its the least she could do since she never calls, right?

yeah, be careful what you wish for

i have the solution, iv said this, like 10 tymes, all i need is to be calld back! jus once, then things get settled,. then life becomes nice!

how fucking hard is that?

but no, instead im still smothering her, because thats the last thing she saw, she heard.. so it resonantes until it becomes much more powerful of an emotion than the actual feeling and incident were....

so, now i have two options, and two rants

the lame crazy inferior laura-type wants to go add a few reminders and cry and basically go on a pissy self-destructive rampage

the logical knows-how-to-fix things wants to just step back, stop caring, maby even be rid of Lauren altogether so i can go prove Christina wrong... ... iv gone a year n a half w/o a g/f, then another 4 months before christina showd up... and thats when i had massive opportunity and lotsa spare tyme.. once i leave, i have neither.

so yea, im frustrated.

i mean, its simple, all i need is a lil bit of attention, and then she can have all the space she wants.. omfg, this isnt hard at all!.. well, except she doesnt call... so, i get scared, frustrated, and very erratic.. she prolly doesnt even care....

*is losing it agin*

*and im shaking, which is weird?*

grr!

im off to do something.. im not sure what yet

-0ut

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