2003-02-26 @ 5:38 p.m.
random entry

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DLand is bein dumb.. so im in my H4rDC0r3 Notepad

alot is on my mind... i wanna cry, but since iv bein ok fer almost a week its kinda hard.....

Talked to jill, realized my entire life, everything, all set

im a good person, i like seeing ppl happy and having people trst me and enjoy my company.. and im very willing to work hard to achieve that.. and the one person who id try hardest for, who id be willing ot forsake everything for doesnt believe that... Jill thinks im some awful person who is crazy or evil or something... i might be crazy, but in a good way ... i love her, and i cant live a perfectly happy life without her

i ruined so many chances, so many opportunities for her... to keep myself availible for her.. and shes just thrown it all away to keep me at a distance, she cant accept blame for her part in the un-fun we had more than a year ago...

She is the source of my truest happiness, and the cause of all my problems.

so, iv decided to take a few steps backwards.. try to live my life from before her ...

I forgot a motto i had, and i kept it fer awhile with her... but i havnt said or thought it for, like, 2+ years

Hope for the best, Prepare for the worst, and watch as something unexpected happens.

so

i think i havta either sit in my despair, try to wait for her... or ruin my trueness to her... the ultamate challenge of my life... Am I H4rDC0r3?

i mean, think about it, iv turned down so many chances and opportunities.... im pretty sure if i had tryd, i would'a had at least 3 or more g/f's jus during this diarys lifespan alone ...... but i keep messing up, wanting to go back...

i was half-right.. i need to go back farther.

freshman year, azure dreams... and life, the way I was supposed to live.

iv decided to add dwight to my list of voices, ya kno how i have conversations in my head when im bored? well, hes a perfect voice.. understanding, yet critical.. he'll tell you when your right, and he'll definately tell you when your wrong... and so yeah.. ill r0x0rz

but, in the mean-tyme.. im gonna call jill

i havta ask agin, can i finish things .....

-0ut

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