2002-07-22 @ 11:26 a.m.
rants, so bored ~~

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Mood:I Love You, I Love Life, I Love EVERYTHING *Huggles infinite*

Food: SubWay Sandwiches!! *drools*

Person:Crystal ; Jeff wants her sister

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so bored

so bored

so fscking bored

...

and so i hav rants !

One, more g/f requirements... shes gonna be perfect, she must be. I wont, cant, never will tolerate less! *and comin from me, this is weird* ... She'll havta be able to keep up wit me.. i live a strangly fast-paced life.. itz cuz i belong to tyme. Ill sit still for 12 hrz in front of my puter, then bolt at insnae speeds on my lil BMX to get to Kiels.. i ditched him bad, slowed so he could catch up.. i was winded, so i didnt try that agin... from what i coughed up, i fear the air here *shuddered* .... she havta, the reason Jill was so destructive to my ideal way of life was he az-ma *cant spell* anywayz, we didnt go outside, she couldnt ride fast... we alway were ogether, never doing anything fun. One thing i liked jill for, she was 5'8" ... one'a the cool heights, jus tall enough, but yet still shorter than me... i dun really dig 5'6" , but shorter than that is fun, cuz then their easy to carry...

*Intermission; gets somethin soft fer the chair.. its hurting my ass*

ok, back to da rant... she'll havta be beautiful. Its a must! ... I need to be able to look into her eyes at nite, and tell her, truthful, honestly... sincerely. ... Your Beautiful , I Love You. *gets all mushy; shudders* ... shes prolly hav long, brown or black hair... almost any color eyes would do, except boring-brown.. like, their lite-brown, dark-brown, coolies-brown.. but on a rare occasion, i see a very bland, boring brown... its not that important of a thing, but id prefer an interesting eye color. She cant be fat, but she need some meat on her... I mean, she'll hav fight me off on a regular basis, and i dun wanna get poked by bony-parts all the tyme.. every now-n-then is kinda cute... hehehe.. but not all the tyme... She'll need som skillz, to match myne... she need to be comfortable around computers. Another must. Computers are my life, if she cant deal, she cant be part of my life. I trained Jill on a puter for that reason... i trained Jill, prolly the only thing she got out of the relationship; a free tutor. ----- anyways, i keep refering to Jill, since shes bein my only real, serious, relationship *is lame, is almost 18, only 1 g/f* ... we went out for, like, 20 months... a year n 8 months... it was big. anyways ->> I really hope her breasts are too big.. yeah, im one'a the weird few that gag *instead of drool* at a 36G ... after D, they jus arent appealing, i mean, in 10 years there gonna be around her waist, and she'll need a chiropractor.... id prefer B-C , cuz i do still that weird 'bigger iz better' mentality... but agin, after D *shudders* .... she'll need to be soft too, i mean, like... soft skin, cuz its jus weird otherwise... *trying to think of anything else* .... the smarter the better, and if shes too dumb i wont tolerate her... I need someone a can talk to, on an equal basis... If shes dumb, then she isnt worth my tme, at all. ... im getting bored of this rant... its kinda depressing, cuz shes already taken. Who am I to want this^^^ ... well, im lame, and this is a fantasy, and really distant fantasy... If this girl exists, she taken... and theirs prolly 3 ppl other than her current b/f she'll want instead of me ~at least~ .... so im changing the subject..

If you couldnt tell, im going hard-core, till my day starts becoming interesting...

Gabby came online during that, a little after the intermission... Shes so sweet, she'l come online jus to tell me she not able to be online. *that doesnt make sense, but oh well* ... Shes awesome, she works at Subway!! i want a sandwich now sooooo bad!!! *drools* ... im getting hungry... i want food. Damn. As i said before *to someone* ... if I was gonna go visit any ~one~ person, itd be her... and not for the reason Keck would accuse me of! I wanna meet her, get to kno her real well... she said she had a 3-page survey thing.. ill fill it out whenever she gets it to me... I think im manic-depressive ... the mood swings are really weird, like a few days/weeks, ill love everything, everything is fun, exciteing.. i wanna go out n live life!! ... then somethin changes, the whole world decays, everything iz lame.. i hate existance, knoing that anything cool will quickly end leaving me to jus waste away, replaying the memory over-n-over.. Right now, im happy. I wanna go do somethin, well, not really, but only cuz its so fscking hot outside... but if its werent hot outside, id wanna go somewhere.. somewhere -far-, jus for the fun of it!... i cant really think sad, cuz theirs nothing really to be sad about --->> on the flip side, eventually im gonna get sad agin, everythings gonna suck... nothing will be happy, and i wont be abl to remember exactly why i was stupid enough to think things were nice :D ... of course, i doubt it, iv never really believed in mental illness... My sense of Free-Will doesnt permit that. Im in control, nothing else... anyone who succumbs to their own mind iz weak, so very weak... So im Fine. *smiles brightly* ... and hopefully this never ends!

*huggles Gabby* shes too sweet, im serious, i think shes crazy.. cuz shes always too nice to me.. or maby she thinks im someone else? she got sn's confuzled between me n someone actually worth her tyme? ... from what I cant tell, shes escaping a reality that doesnt tolerate her way of doing things... And she doesnt hav my insane-over-zealous-martyr-skillz *no one should* to fight off the world and create her own little world.. I look around me, and see a world Iv made... jordan, jeff, kiel... they all think im cool, and they'll never admit it to anyone, but im not actually cool, but they secretly think it... why else would they call me trying to find stuff to do, when they KNOW i never come up with the thing to do, i always chill at the puter till THEY drag ME away!!... but they still ask "so whats happening?" .... skillz....

So i think im cool.

but im really not, they dont kno me.. no one really does.. everyone gets a lil piece to themselves... if everyone got together and compared data... they'd have prolly most of it... maby even more than I do?

Thats why I keep everyone separate, because I still want to hav friends...

*Intermission, needz to stretch*

so yeah..

My whole life seems like a weird lil game.. i only do things to advance the storyline... that feels weird.... ever since I played Azure Dreams.. because that game taught me social skillz *oddly enough, play it, you'll see!* .. it was a really awesome game -> anyways... so now im not really taking stuff seriously, the whole tyme i kno people, real people, are thinking, feeling.. all due to stuff im saying... me, im playing, im guessing the reaction, im replying with the best given answer.. makes me feel weird, cuz, like, what is life exactly? is it the pursuit of happyness *The founders say'd that*.. well, if thats it, then im wrong, im not playing, im living... but what if theres somethin more? i cant seem to think of what that'd be... the only thing is to also make everyone else happy, and im doing that too... i could go get rich? im doing that too... I could fulfill my dreams ... er... what are they?? what do I want?? I want everyone to like me.. i think thats it... I want them to like me the same way i do them, i want my feelingz to actually be returned... in the same exact way. same context, same volume... if your a friend, you like me as a friend.. if your more, you like me as more... etc... Well, thats what im accomplishing *i think* .. so then why do i feel like im not really 'doing' but instead, 'playing' ??? ... maby its a weird Defense-Mechanism against stress? if i think-n-feel like things arent real, then i wont fear consequneces that much, i wont be up all nite worrying that someone will be mad about that las email, or that they'll ditch me cuz im not good enough... if its a game, then why care? besides, i can always go find someone else, right?

*Intermission, Email*

i typed an anime rant -> here it iz::

i like blue submarine six, i didnt like tenchi, and i havnt seen bebop ...

my favorites are Yamamoto Yohko and Bubblegum Crisis .... they are SO awesome!!

I also liked plastic little, vampire hunter d, and vamp hunter d : bloodlust ... i was disturbed by kite - it was cool tho, and akira was pretty cool, altho agin, a lil disturbing... spriggan was really cool, kinda weird tho... *lol* ...

I really wanna see fushigi yugi, only because so many other ppl say it cool... love hina looks weird, but i havnt seen it.. im curious about battle athletes, its sounds ok...

Dragon Ball isnt anime, it stoppd being anime when everyone started liked it and watching in on cartoon network... its the same -style- as anime, but it lost its essense of coolies and became the peasants cartoon... plus it wasnt really that cool anyways, nice fight scenes, but im unimpressed wit the storyline...

w00t!

12:34 -> Gabby

yep, its 12:35, and i typed fast enough to dedicate the 12:34 to Gabby

w00t!!

I need about $3000 .. that'd cover the car... then i could start spending money frivilously like iv wanted to fer SO long!!... I wanna buy a fsckin plane ticket... I want sone DVD's ... I want go on a shopping spree at GoodWill *w00t!* ...

I got my favorite pair of pant there actually.. they were a pair of size 16 lil kid pants, but they had coolies cargo-pant-pockets... so i bought them, and cut 6-inches off the bottom.. that made them shorts, kinda like capri pants... they are really tight, even after i split and cut the seems and re-sowed them .... at first my foot didnt even go thru the pant-leg .... but i like them, theyre coolies!! my most favoritest pants/shorts!!

*Intermission; distracted by a banner... its a gay dudes diary, hella weird.. http://jonathan29.diaryland.com .. he stole my name n went gay with it! icky!!*

so anyways, unlike that Jonathan; I dun like guys, their icky!! they smell funny... they dont hav breasts, and they dont hav a right hole ... their gross!... Girls are prettyer, smell good, hav the right parts, and are so much nicer n cuddlyier n stuff.. Funner to talk to..

anyways..

Jeffs Here, my day begins.

-0ut

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