2002-07-10 @ 5:14 p.m.
Gently I came off the Hinges

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Ok, normally this is against policy.. but breaking policy seems to be my theme lately ..

I havnt read Laceys entry, i havnt replyd to Emma... im so confuzed.. very very unsettled day ... I talked to Jill .. 2 n a half hours ... So you can guess how that must'a messed wit me .. and then your guess is wrong. Worse .. I havta mention this before anything because I feel SO guilty .. im so sorry Emma .. im so awful .. all we did was talk, but content was bad enough .. im so sorry Emma ...

As for Lacey, i expected something like "How could jon do this, How could he think that?" lateda... Her usual upset is getting boring and predictable ... but this tyme, she shouldnt be pissed!! shes bein wanting "Friends" status for 3 years .. so finally, i calm down and give her want she wants ... she had a very long tyme to change her mind, and if she was late, well, obviously shes lacking the foresight Emma has... Emma makes me feel special, makes me feel loved, like im actually worth somethin!! Lacey, didnt ... she told me i was good only whenever i threatened to leave... Ill still be here for the ego-boost she likes using me for... so theres no reason to be upset .. of course, i dont really kno ANYTHING, im on a much more time-sensitive topic

Jill

I talked to Jill alot, told her about Emma .. Jill hates Lacey, its mostly cuz shes jealous.. SO jealous after she found out i spent $80 on flowers ... "And why didnt I get flowers?" ... I was afraid to talk about Emma originally .. because even tho i havnt spent money or anything on her *Im sorry Emma, i will, i promise!* .. but i really really like Emma ..I think more than i do *currently, not past* like Jill... No one else is as nice to me ... I feel guilty since im not really making it worth-her-while ...

I was suprized, Jill was totally for Emma!! shes was.. enthused .. she wanted me to get with Emma!! O.O! i was stunned... i found out later that she liked other dudes, so obviously, im being un-loaded ... but still ... And what Jill said about Lacey .. Emma was complementary in comparison ...

Plus talking to Jill made a bunch of things i regret n feel awful about re-surface into memory .. but thats another rant ..

Im gonna do my normal routine now ..

Email, Diarys, Chat .. then maby another entry after im gone talking to Emma tonite .. i may even update this one with more about Jill ..??

byebye fer now

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*PS: Its supicious, Lacey only talked AFTER I made this decision, and not to me!* . *UPDATE* im not discussing anything ucrent, im re-do'ing my day, since there was in fact pieces of day before Jill ... I went to the bank, deposited mah check, $98.69, and then went to PETsMART, put in mah application :D ... then to Kiels, were that stupid netrwork-card thing was settled ... lame ... thats when my skillz were harnessed by Evil, and i secretly managedf to tell Jillto call... i went home. she called... then this recent chunk of day started...

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