2002-06-30 @ 10:58 p.m.
today, rant, and a song :D

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well, i woke up.. went to work .. got off work about 30 hours later .. it was very lame, tyme went very very slowly .. i went slowly .. not a good day at work .. it suck'd.. The worst part, somehow early on in the shift a got a lil cut on my pinky-finger .. i went to wash my hands, not knoing, the sanitizer got in the wound .. OMFG i thought i was gonna die! I howled! ppl in da lobby were peering back at me.. i felt awful, cuz right afterward the pain was totally gone and i was like "um.. im fine.. err.." so I had to get a lil blu band-aid, and then wear this annoying latex-glove. I wanted to cut off all the fingers except the hurt one so that the glove didnt slo me down .. but that was against the rules ... so i was stuck with the fucking annoying glove... i really hope i can get a cooler job.

as i said, Ricky might live closer.. new info tho, he may live here! that tturns him into competition, and competition is the Worse thing to be ... i really hope things go well, i dont want an enemy to live with, especially not Ricky as an enemy .. that would really suck ass...

I really dont like CJ n Jill .. i dont really kno where that came from, but it seems to pop into my thoughts every now n then, i scowl, then i think of somethin cooler ...

I talked to Becky n nikki, among other ppl .. they seem to be online more than other ppl i kno... Becky doesnt hav a super-cool relationship history, and she seemd to be headed fer another one .. i told her to trust some dude shes goin out wit, that if he urts her, then ditch him fer good ... black-or-white style policy, very simple and effective .. hopefully it helps ...? i dunno, as i said, im not quite the "relationship-guru"

I think i scared some person today, i read her diary, then i talked to her a bit, i gav her the link to myne .. i think she read some, them logged off wuick ... kinda funny, kinda sad .. oh well..

Im gonna play more wit my HTML ... i found i super-coolies script, you'll see it at the bottom if i make it work .. text .. sweetness ... :D

I was thinking at work, since its much funner to think about anything BUT work, that I could probably increse my output potencial if I trick Lacey into wanting stuff from me .. i dont kno how to exactly describe this idea .. like basically, for instance, if i made her say " i really would like a strong guy to carry me wherever id want to do" sure enoguh, within a few months, id be bench-pressing twice what i could now *still has to find out how much that iz tho* or if she said that she likes ppl wit clean rooms, well, i would never hav cluttered floor-space agin ...

Another thing, why the hell do I even like her? shes younger than I am by much more than I would like, she much too far away, and she doesnt even like me that well?! so why am I so hung up on her?? I think its cuz shes perfect. I mean, obviously, no one is really perfect, its against human nature, but like, in a long-term relationship, i cant see anyone fitting my needs better than her. theres still a few points missing, thats anticipated.. like, its seems she likes pity, or at least, she has a knack for getting it. That pisses me off a lil. iv known too many ppl *jill* who do that. *types , thne, deletes.. for about 15 minz* ok, im a hypocrite. i mean, what the fuck is this whole diary? why dont i go fix my problems? what are they?

1.) I need a relationship, one that fills my needs better than the ones I hav.

2.) Money, for car, for chicks, for luxary, for college n for car.

3.)College, i need a degree, mainly for more money.

well, the second two im fixing currently, those are very long-term sloutions, and really easy .. i was at work today, see :)

The first is the one thats causing all my anguish. I would think to upgrade, or change the nature of a current relationship. Lacey->low chance, plus ^^ Becky->lower chance, shes taken, shes farther away than a can walk.. but shes pretty, nice, a pretty good match ... Hmm? Nikki->medium-low chance, she far too away, and the fate/vibe is off.. no one else comes to mind ... that leaves me to consider finding a new one... but that hold much more problems. First, i hav no clue what sort of un-cool traits they may hav. I dont now how/where to find them. Time is an issue, id need to get to kno them .. alot of hassle associated with meeting new ppl. plus, im very out-matched by ppl already out there meeting new ppl. Remember, i suck, especially do I suck at this! It seems to be the only way tho. Fuck! no solution. Is there a third way? yes, Dig ppl out of my past. I kno them kinda, yet its stil like havin a new relationship... Brigitte-> shes a druggie *ick!* and prolly a slut, plus shes too pretty, i couldnt trust her i dun think .. Sandy-> i havnt thought about her in a very long tyme ... i wonder where she is now? prolly no chance tho, plus she may hav become icky too. Holly n Heather, they both moved away *i think* plus id hav even less chance. Rachael-> i tryed that actually, no luck, plus theres those same recurrent issues^^ .. Rebecca-> i had a chance, i didnt piss her off, i prolly still hav a chance ... Ooo... but shes far away, i dun kno were she'd be.. i havnt talked to her fer 4 years ... Fuck! that'd work too! close, so close .. i wonder if shes goin to summer skoo agin .. Hmm.. would she still take extra classes? I must go there one day .. must fix da car to get me there ... damn . Miranda-> err... id dont even kno if id want to.. too many unknowns, shes crazy, really crazy .. *stops considering* Alura-> she wasnt the prettyest in all the land, shes short too, but really nice, and she saw me agin after 2 yrz, at senior awards .. she said i looked much less scrawny than i did *iv lost weight since then too, but gain muscle* so im assuming its a good thing .. i dunno, i dont kno where to lok to find her.. And thats all that id think to even consider ... every one else i pissed off, or jkus plain had no chance ever wit ... shit. No solution. It seems im gonna havta find a new relationship. well okay, there where a whole hellof a lot of friends *that were girls* that I could consider. Id be here another 4 hours typing it out .. like, 20-30 ppl ... but none of them seems to be going anywhere .. plus they were all younger, maby too young, and still, they all seemd un-interested. so i dunno ... How do other ppl do this? how does everyone else find someone? I think I must wait, i must observe other, my surroundings, absorb somemore knowledge before i try this agin .... i kno im missing a piece of the puzzle. ... how'd i get on this topic??

*Intermission, I do some HTML, make a guestbook, lateda...*

ok, back .. i think im done.. gonna slep or do some other unnoteworthy things, like clean my room.. i must post tho to see if the HTML works ..

nitenite fer now

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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