2002-07-01 @ 4:20 a.m.
Gem.

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This is a quickie i hope :D

So, im coasting thru all this member-crap, and i decide to re-read Laceys diary, but one'a her links catch my eye ... so i go to it... It was a webring, about fear of normal ppl, i laughed .. so i then do and see all those users .. one stands out --> wootability

I read her diary, it Intrigued me to a great degree .. i wanted more, it ended too soon .... i decided to go to sleep...

then, I woke up, i knew exactly where to go *it was creepy a lil*

Magicaltimes, her new diary, it got kinda depressing, and then ended abruptly.. fuck that! i wanted more! ... so of course, my evil-dark-side-creepy-stalker-guy-skillz appear, and i go hunting...

i spent at least 2 hours hunting, maby more

it took a long tyme, im gonna try and annoy that fact into you

alot of dead leads

alot of close calls

alot of useless frineds

some stupid locked diarys ... whats the fuckin point??

then, as i was giving up one more tyme, i clicked my las clicked, went to the las link, didnt expect anything of it .......

dried-tear

so i read the rest of that one...

at various points during my nite i left notes, emails, guestbooks signings ..

What does this mean?

maby iv totally lost it, but id really like to fast-forward 6 years, i want to see where she ends up .. this is really really interesting .. that lil thing about Mike in the first one, that hit home *shakes fist at Ashley*

shes 13, that sux.. altho, in the immortal words of asmodeus, "look at it this way. When shes 32, you'll be about 39. That doesn't sound so bad, right?" maby this is a warning sign?

Another thing, iv seen a recurrent theme in all diary .. *bitch*bitch*bitch* it really makes me feel lame, cuz not only is this this, but im typing it, jus like all these other, less-coolies ppl ... WTF?!

but i like the whole un-burdening aspect of the diary, so i think i may keep going. If it gets too bad, then ill lock it so that i kno no one reads it and all this crap stays wit me and its not a pity-trip im pulling against the world ..

This is my fucking scratchpad of life!

I type to remember,

I type to forget.

and i type for clarity... things get too messy when i keep them inside.. its like throwing everything in your closet ... thats my fucking life, keep piling the closet .. more and more emotional bagage piling up ... if i put some of it away now ... at some point ill prolly end up wit a clean closet, and then ill stop typing 3 times a fucking day ... till then, fuck you :P

*smiles* why does that make me smile?

Im wondering somethin .. one of my first memorys about gaining PC status, one of my first self-analysis', one of the first conscious thoughts iv had; It was about comforming to my experiences, to whats around me, to everything iv seen, known, heard ... im afraid thats what i am.. because jus now as i was thinking to think, gain clarity, so that i can type somemore... i thought of her, when shes reads, what to type then? the i thought, WTF iz that about? that lock is sounding better and better ...

*yawn* -- *lol* i changed the tyme to 4:20 ^^ thats what my clock sayz...

well, so much for a quickie...

nitenite fer now

.

.

.

*Note: Gem, if you read this before I get to talk to you, still gimme a chance to talk to you, if I hav any skill, its that one that makes me appear nicer .. Lie, thats it! .. so yea, it should be pretty easy to catch me, im on alot, especially 10-12 pm my tyme.. my tyme is prolly 6+ hours less.. my 12 is ur 6,7,8??*

im gonna relate a childhood memorie: one'a those really old ones... I was 6, me and my dad were in da hardware store, i was SO bored.. i had this card-board playhouse on the side of the house ... i 'built' stuff on/in it .. basically, i stuck nails in it. While we were at the hardware store, there were nails n screw EVERYWERE! and since there were SO many, who'd miss one or two, or two-dozen? so has we went up to pay, the clerk-cashier-dude noticed my "nails-everywhere" attire... My dad was mortified! he got up in my face and asks somethin, prolly along the lines of "where'd those nails come from? why do you hav them?" or somethin *fuzzy memory, fsck you* so anyways, i told him that the nails were from home, from my house *box* ... well, when we got home, i had to write *fuzzy memory* somethin like"I will not ever steal agin" .. i dunno, it was hella long ..... 1000 tymes! im fucking seroisus! it took so much paper.. paper all over the table! Well, the reason this came to mind, was, the most memorable part was my dad saying " Im surprized, even at this age, he can look me in the eyes and lie, still keeping a straight face* I learned to lie from a childrens book.. it discouraged lieing, saying that if you do, you'll mess up a detail, and everyone will find out ... I then proved the book wrong, perfected lieing, and usually forget the real-details long before the lies... is that bad?

Oh yea, and as i asked Becky earlyer, i like wear tight pants, is that wrong somehow??

lol, im crazy :P

nitenite fer reals!

2002-07-01 <---> 5:10 a.m.

Ok, i think im up for good... Lacey said there was an airport in Jefferson City, her mom says she was in Jefferson City, i assuming that where shes bein all this time... and the thing that tops it off .. Zeke said he almost had the money for a plane ticket. I think myself to sleep .. but tonite i thinked myself awake. It was like having a NightMare, only i wasnt asleep yet! She better hav one damned good excuse, or else ill jus use my hunting skillz to find the truth .. if that where she was, then i dont kno what ill do. Im not jus saying that, my brain wont let me consider that a serious possiblity... Of course, she'll prolly read this before i can talk to her .. but oh well... she'll tell me the truth. I know it. *toggles guilt-pressure* because if she doesnt, then i kno i cant trust her at all... and she'll prolly end up right where Jill iz ... i kno she doesnt want that. plus theres Zeke.. hes bein missing too... Damn it! thats has to be it!! I kno, ill kill him :D yeah, then everything will be cool... Lacey will hate me fer that, but fsck her,*1* the blood-bond broke, she was gone too long... besides, my usual homicide plans alwayz involve the "and ill sav one fer me" mentality .. so i may not even be around to kno if she hates me. This means that i hav to fix my car laterz.. damn.. I kinda like leaving it broke .. it cant cost me money if its broke ... that remind me of other plans, but those im not posting.. they involve ppl who arent me... so :P ... oh, and now to explain the *1* .. see during that lil rant, i thought to say "Zeke did" but two reasons i didnt... one, i dont kno that and im really really hoping it isnt true, second, it degrades the rant ... so yeah, thats the worse-case sceranio... when she comes back, ill kno the truth ... and if she trys to lie, well, then they'll get to see a worse-case-sceranio >:)

Dont tread on me.

I wonder if ill see Gem on laterz today?

I really hope i can meet her before she meets my diary. oh, yeah, asmodeus!

byebye fer now...

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
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