2002-06-29 @ 1:15 a.m.
Deja-Vu ; Testing

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fisrt thing, i was talking a shower, thinkin of all the things i was gonna do to my diary .. so here i am, fuck sleep, ill be drowsy at work, prolly better that way.

now, to test an idea :

i wonder if it came up .. i hope so.. its me by the way^^

iv had that song by avril somethin stuck in ma head all day "Complicated" i dun kno why.. its not that great .. oh well..

on to a main topic of the entry: my wicked amt of deja-vu... i hav dreams, and they are almost imediately forgotten cuz i always hav an icly taste in my mouth when i wake up .. it really bugs me.. but since i ferget dreams, i cant change the future, plus its nice, since it acts as a "import to the future" hint...

ever since i started talking to sarah *starlytski.diaryland.com* iv bein getting them.. it drew me to her diary, it happens almost every tyme i talk to her, its weird .. i had the same thing dec12'ish, v-day'ish, prom'ish, grad nday/nite'ish, hawks party when i got so fscking wasted .. all these really impactful tymes, usually a few day to a few hrz before i get these deja-vu things .. the first thing i can think of is "Iv had this dream before!" and then i wonder why i didnt wake up ... but anyways, it makes me wonder, why so much around now? what is going on? the other i could hav guessed why... but this, i cant guess... nothing that important seems to be happening ... ??? ... the first i thought was that i might be her .. cant, i dont see that happening *sorry sarah, ur not absorbed into my subjective-reality yet* ... i havnt seen lacey on AT ALL fer 2 days .. that really scares me ... especially at this point in tyme .. if she did *plz o plz no!* then that could explain it.. that really really explains it.. iv gotten, like, x17 the deja-vu than ever before.. almost everything i do sets it off... but i really hope that not it.. really really really play to God!! but then, what could it be? am i reaching the apex of my life *iv had that feeling fer 2 wks now* am i reaching the focal-point .. the point that cancels out the past and voids all hope for the future?? am i at the cross-roads between what my life could be and what i must avoid; the cross-roads between what it is and what it is to become?? Oi ... this is tough .. or maby if jus some nut-job with jus enough foresight to see things comin, and jus crazy enough to block out what i see?? the many madnessess of Malkavia.. well ... i think thats it..

i used to be pissed when someone would put 2,3,4 entrys on the same day ... im a hypocrite... oh fscking well :P

nitenite fer reals! fer reals!! i fucking mean it!!

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