2003-03-10 @ 9:36 p.m.
Darkness Wakes, And Stirs Imagination ~ i hate stuff, like other stuff... jus read the entry! grr!

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Food:I'v bein nervous lately.. the un-eaty kind

I cant think of what I want to put in this box?

Future: Dont go there. Eeep.

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ph34r

ok, so after my last entry ~>

left, went to kiels, on the way keck calls and will save us;

so we go wit keck, whos van dies frequently.. and of course, whenever with keck, the issue turns to sex n chicks....

anywayz->

later make it to dwights, watch Mission to Mars, which is an ok movie, but a very predictable plot...

then we go to kiels, get D2 stuff fer dwight

now im here..

wanting Christina to call.. i kno she wont, since she said she was gonna call to wake me up.. fsck.

but still.. her emails... Yes, inspired a rant

and some hypocrisy

First, i hate it when people reply to stuff in their diarys! thats what email is for!!!!!!!

Second, im gonna reply to email in my diary. i hate life

he first mentions the kissing thing. Now, close attention to my previous rant shows that i only -thought- it was un-fun since she was different.. i later that day realized i was dumb, and since then iv kissed i think 3 different people, proving to me i was dumb. I liked it! plus, it was Jennifers inexperience that was 'grr' ... i was training her nicely.. near the end everything concerning that was coolies ;) ... now, the only objection is.. well...

*changes subject*

then the second email mentions my last line of the previous entry... that lil bit of life that still is anti-ME ... well, jill is part, poorness is the other. and its not not me-missing-jill... its more trying to break all the self-detructive habits jill helped form... I do care for her -> but im damn well not gonna let the me-n-Christina thing get ruined because of jill. Not Again. .... the only other thing is that she mentioned her ex, Andy... well, i usually give a 24hr grace period to take back stuff i dont wanna hear :D so when Christina reads this ... ... no explaination needed, jus a nice solid "i take it back" will suffice... altho im dumb, and she prolly means it, and she prolly wont take it back and will be pissed

yea, i suck

now, for the even more on-topic rant, and the current theme of my thoughts ->

What Can Go Wrong?

well, with Chrissy im talking about... because if i can identify problems before they arise, i can hav a greater chance of fixing them. trying to stay very stabile, concise, and efficient

well, first.. see, i heard her once complain about being touched. Yeah, so if that pisses her off she better tell me damn quick... everyday im trying so hard not to do everything my brain tells me. Now, i dont mean anything like felling her up... more like paying with her hair, holding hands, and other similarly cuddly gestures.....

the second, her past. Im sorry, today is a me-being-hypocritical day, and im curious on what her past relationships looked like... mainly:: who, how many, how far they went, and why they ended.

and third, my fucking psycho, in case you havnt bein reading, and i tend to fuck things up in my life.. this entry, if viewed by a proffessional, could very well be interpreted as such and action. Now, my sincere hop is that Christina somehow enjoys my absurdness and replys to it in jus that fantasy way im hoping. it prolly wont happen

...

my thoughts are basically that were at that funny-lil stage where were still not sure about each other, but are pretending to not notice. I dont like pretending. my idea of coolies would be if i was answered, and we could start trusting each other and feeling more comfortable. I doubt this entry will help.

now, im gonna click 'done!' and start praying i dont Die

-0ut

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