2002-09-03 @ 10:35 p.m.
~ First day of college~ - and Jill

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

First day of college was boring, coming home was awful.

My mood is not good, i want to die.

i may have to lock this ......

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

OMG! my day was ... long ....

i woke up at 6:30am .. feel asleep at 1-2 the nite before ..

got to skoo at 8, since mom had to drive me, since my car is injured ... my first class i thought was at 10:30 ...

it was really at noon.

i walked around campus, saw Frank from orentation, sat places ... sat out front of the classroom itself ... sat inside the room fer a long while ...

the prof came in late, philosohpy was kinda interesting, kinda dumb. I saw 2 cute asians, a blonde, and a black chicks on rollerblazes in that class, all who i want to meet ...

1-2pm, i ate food, played timecrisis, had some chocolate milk ...

2-3pm, sat in fornt on CSc10, met 'Justin' ...

3:05-3:10 .. the professor for this class was at the doctor, so we got some handouts n left.....?

3:10-4, sat, sat in the lab

4-555pm, actually did the lab, noticed a most awesome chicks named Jaycee ..? :D? ... sat around alot, cuz it was an easy lab ..?

the i sat around the union, had apple juice n chips .... mom came, i got a ride home at 6:30

**This is where my boring day turns into a bad one**

i call Alidia, she has an evil sunburn .. im not sure if im being rejected, or if the sunburn iz evil ... i can relate to the evil-antisocial-sunburn .. iv had a few before....

then i make the life-threatening mistake of calling Jill ... im determined to get something resolved ........ she manages to escape decision-free, and if my crying during the conversation wasnt bad enough, i totally break-down after she hangs up ...

i cry, it makes me think about the reset button ... and then that thought makes me cry ... its getting so easy to think about now, i think about it all day .... im planning it, i kno how everyone will react, i kno what theyll say ... *yawn* ... im so tired ...

I havta start lieing to everyone now .. it seems i cant let this stuff out ... if jill hears about it agin, shes gonna call the cops on me or somethin :)) but im not dealing wit the lock tonite ...she wont be on to look fer dayz, if that ... she said she was gonna keep track of it and never did.. im sitting there nearly in tears and she trying to find out more about how JQ likes her ..... plus w/ the lcok all my rings would be pissed, i dun wanna lose them...?

.

but yeah, im so very fucked .. no way to fix things anymore. theres only one real option. ill procrastinate about that one tho jus like any other .......

theres really no point, i mean, all it is is work, work, work .. and for what? continued torture and degradation?

Im becoming weak .. i cant take even the faintest critisizms ... everything hurts ... no one is really there for me ... I cant fix the past, im failing the present, and iv already destroyed my future .... theres no real hope, no tangible reason to exist.

hopefully soon something will change for the better.

w00t ...

i was too tired to even type the firstness^^

-0ut

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >