2003-04-05 @ 11:04 a.m.
waking up sux...

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i woke up

normally is a mild amount of pissed-off, cuz my dreams are cool...

well, i had a really funny one.. sometihng like where some people were fruit, and other werent, and the fruit-people were gonna kill and eat the normal people.. cuz people eat fruit alot.. like a revenge thing...?

not the point

there was no Lauren online, which was 'grr' so i went n paid my cellphone bill online, im talking to lacey, Jordan emaild ppl *me being a ppl* , and iv decided today im not going anywhere, im just gonna do work n such, in anticipation of Laurens call... this way she gets to decide exactly when she wants to talk to me next.. i went re-reading stuff.. i missed an entry from christina.. it was kinda harsh, but it was a thought i had already grr'd at myself for... altho maby shes right, maby its a more 'obsession' ... but no, i know for a fact jill was *using pas-tense* love, because.. well, my thinky is kinda 'myne' about this... but yeah...

of course, thats the only example like that i have

and maby Lacey too.. but hers is more, well, not like bf-gf type... shes just super-coolies of a person, kinda like The Ely, who is also so far away..

but yeah... grr...

that plan iv bein thinky'ing is pretty solid right now, so im prepared to make things all happy n such agin... just waitng fer her...

oh, and im not suicidal.. its even kinda weird.. cuz like, the thought came up, like usual, when something isnt perfect.. but im all *nah, n/m* ... it was weird... of course, the knife isnt for killing me, just making a few reminders to me on how&why i should stay in line, be good, not be dumb, etc... and they help ...

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