2003-04-04 @ 11:09 p.m.
yep, one'a those 'important' entrys .. the kind i look back on and cry :)

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*sometymes im just not in the mood..?*

Cell: 8212392 , Lauren should call me. Im *prolly* not calling her agin until she does.

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ok, instead of doing anything i planneed on doing tonite, im gonna jus type my day.. chronology.

*forces calmness*

so i wake up at 9.. cuz 10 is when i need to leave to get there by 11 ... re-wake up at 9:40 and haul ass.. *is very last-mintue* then i go to therapy... on the way moms all "at $110 dollars and hour you better start getting to the point about your issue with letting go and the trck n finger cutting" ... im all "WTF?" ... apparently janene told her i was gonna run my car into an oncoming semi-truck and/or cut off a finger? ............ yeah, ihate mom, janene, and prolly a few other NPC's im un-aware of ... not the point -> got to therapy, i tell him about my two weeks, losing christina, gaining lauren, etc... then i go into explained the letting go, mom dumbness, then right before i go into the real issue *refers you to my un-fun days, and a few private entrys* i asked about exactly how confidential... well, long story short, if im a danger to me or anyone else he can put me as a '5150' ... yeah, that threatens my entire pre-set life... so from there on i lied.. so if you happen to see miller, and he asks, the story is that i talked about it cuz i kinda thought about it, but i guess im dumb n immature... ... he talks with mom a bit... and the verdict is in, im not crazy, im immature... im so glad too, cuz if i didnt ask, he might had even gotten ahold of this diary... then i WOULD be 5150 ... *yay!*

well, then mom takes em around town planning my day of working ..... the lawnmower doesnt quite mow, but she doesnt care she wants her work done...... so im all "eh.. whatever" and left... chilld with kiel all day, talked to Lauren, which was nice, but kinda un-fun.. i sensed a lil less happiness from her... *stole a knife-sharpener*

so then i start getting paranoid... i mean, this is the same tyme-frame as losing christina, and very similar events... "oh god, what am i gonna do?" .. i watched Jordans graduation tape, and dissed on April with jordans family.... then i came home...

now, all day iv bein thinking, since i get a kinda insight when im hella tired *Four hours of sleep = tired* ... but no, see, i expected alot of different things... i didnt expect to be -right-.

its even kinda comforting being able to predict your own downfall... ?

but yeah... im not sure what to think...

its like, the balls in my court, now -I- make the next move that decides my fate ... i have a chance to fix things still ... this is new, im usually thew last to find out that my life is shit.. but now i saw it coming... and to think, i was gonna see Lauren today, and suggest that maby i try not-hating life to see how long i can go.

well... im jus thinking...

**just sits awhile**

im confined on how much thinky can be typed... grr... im clicking done

but before that, i remind both my audience *all two of you* and Lauren that i will fix this, i will win, and..

Its Tyme You Learned ~JUST~ Who You Picked A Fight With!!

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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