2003-03-28 @ 11:10 p.m.
Lauren~ but first some day~ then Lauren ~ then i dont care to remember.....
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Person: Lauren, duh, cuz this is the normal thing i do whenever *cuts off* read the entry
MIDI: i hate drivers, grr, and so my midi output, well, doesnt output
Music: Kiels car has alkaline trio, im very happy :)
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my earlier rant was intterupted.. i forgot whatever point i was trying to make in the meanwhile?
so jeff talks to me, about stuff.. april is SO gross, confirmd now on both jeff n robert.. eww eww eww
showers, wears the rainbow-pants
went to kiels, natalie was there, the Ely had calld, i was happy, we talked awhile about stuff, he said i should start jogging n such.. cuz of bootcamp ...
then we drove natalie home, went to the mall, waited for Lauren... i was dumb, never got a confirmed tyme...
i went ot call her, she calld me as i was dialing.. her mom is running late, itll be around 5-5:15'ish ... ok, natalie shows up on her own.. chilld... it was 5:30, i call her home, her brother says shes on her way... i tell kiel "Get up! have your spot-check tear the universe in half!!!" .. he stands, walks out of taco bell, and theres Lauren!
so i had, like, the best two hours *omg - sighs* .. we chilld at taco bell, then hottopic i bit, then suncoast, then back towardss hottopic.. met her dad, who owns a White Toyota Camry.. not too richey, but it isnt an economy car either... and he had the normal parent-reaction ... ill stabb him later with my skillz...
so shes gone, the rest of my day is lame.. chilld wit kiel, i mean, it was fun; but it was ~Nothing~ compared to the two hours beforehand ... so we went to game,. only its bein shut down n turnd into 'game n movie nite?' ... its dumb, i playd chess w/ anthony.. only my brain isnt on.. im much too distracted by my own thinky ... so then we head towards home, goto jack... these mexicans talk about me *is learning spanish-by-proxy* i apply there..
then we head home
i go in my car, tryd it.... its still broken... i felt so happy sitting there tho... *feels like crying*
why cant things work out fine? i dunno, things would be perfect if i had that car.... truly perfect.
but no, i havta settle for almost-close-to-true-happiness
oh, yeah, then i walkd in side, now im here..
emaild lauren, cuz i can
see, using my l33t-psychic powers i can predict the future.. i kno whats gonna happen. me n Lauren will prolly have at least another week or two of happiness... then something will happen. Its about %70 chance itll be -my- fault, and i wont even see it coming... she'll hate me, and be sad for liking me.. my life will re-turn to shit, and christina will laugh. of course, if christina isnt in the picture this will all happen anyways ....
or theres the second option -> we spend, like, month(s) enojying the happiness, then somewhere closer to me leaving something will happen, about %80-%90 chance its -my- fault, and she'll feel sad, but hate me anyways over it, and ill realize my life is re-turning to shit and want to stop it, making things -worse- then realize im making things worse and want to kill me... theres, like, from then a %15 chance, adding %2 each day i try to make things better, adding %10 for major failures, and subtracting %1 every day i wallow in my own self-pity.
or, theres this fun lil third option... i go trm, tell Lauren something that totally makes her hate me *ill be a lie, but oh well* then i kill myself. Saves me the trouble :D
but of course, im looking forward to seeing Lauren agin on happy-terms, so i wont do the third
in case you havnt noticed already, im fucked up. when bad shit happens, i brag kinda, when good stuff happens, i feel scared...
the only time i dont think this way is when Lauren *or some extension of her expression* is present... like her entry i havnt closed yet.. im gonna read that, forget about my problems, be all *sigh* ... then ill click back n feel lame agin...
******did as such******
Yep, i feel coolies now... she agree with my current thoery "He's a good kisser... "
*yawns* but im also tired.. iv bein awake too long today
trm is gonna suck ass
first -> theres a current week-thoery that on sunday the week will reset into full-happiness... to do that saturday will have to SUCK to make up for the karma
second -> Lauren has all sorts of stuff happening, none of which will involve -me- ... grr..
so trm is gonna suck
but i still hope she calls... cuz maby after -everything- happens she can come w/ me n kiel... i need to show her WL, and maby some other stuffs..?
its kinda funny, i check my gold-stats every once in a while... i think i hav a new viewer or two... someone got to my diary thru the members-directory letter listing. they got thru twice *or two ppl once* ... altoh im prolly guessing they wont be back, its kinda fun to pretend in my mind... actually, i do pretend that theres a secret audience, like, thousands of ppl all caring about what im typing.. when really, its, like, 2
i dont wanna wake up trm! i wanna wake up sunday, preferrably to Lauren telling me she coming over to hangout n watch Dune, then drive to WL, then come live here *evicting fat-kid of course!* and that all the perfectness i could ever dream of is coming true....
of course, ill wake up trm
and ill hate life
Sorely Hate Life
but its funny, i kno who read today too .. for instance -> *12-209-89-94.client.attbi.com* = Christina
my skillz... its like i kno stuff that is like 'duh?' to me, but amazes everyone else?
im bored now
im jus hoping this doesnt end in a drink-myself-stupid type of situation
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~WakingUp [email protected]~! Zeroe'dIn~