2003-03-18 @ 8:13 p.m.
Christina ~ these few dayze~ lateda
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Love: Maby not her personally yet, but defineatly what she stands for and symbolizes to me.
E-Mail: EMail Me! I want to hear your thoughts!
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to recap yesterday... kiel fucked melissa at some party while drunk, then did it agin at least once... so there was dramam all yesterday.
i ended up talking to jill way more than i would hav liked...talked to christina alot less than i would hav liked
stayed the nites at dwights, hopiung to see chrissy trm..........
dwight stayed home sick, fuck
so i didnt see christina.. grr! .. i drove the rental-car for dwights dad today.. then slept agin, chilld wit dwight, rode home after watching pitch black n lethal weapon... then went to kiels
dwight got a ride home, trm morning i havta be here at 9:30
grr grr grr!
but im planning on *ahhemmm** seeing christina trm.. no matter what... she'll prolly get to walk the dog.. :D
i miss her terribly.. and its sad, cuz i wanna go visit n stuff, but shes grounded.. im a lil afraid she wont stop being off grounding until after im gone.. which would suck.
i had something very important to talk to christina about, but i forgot it... and its being bugging me all day... the only even remotely possible thing i could think of is if im allowed to hug ppl... but im pretty sure i can, cuz she hugs ppl? .. so that wasnt really an issue...
im thinking im gonna leave my computer with her after im gone.. considering hers is crap, and myne is outdated *$600 and i hav a much cooler comp than this one* .. but yeah... im gonna prolly get a job, buy christina stuff.. i dunno
i kno im gonna run more, i need to be able to run 30 minutes straight before i leave
the war with Iraq amuses me... the last one we had took 7 months.... im not active duty until after A-School, which is more than a year away.. and then, im not going to be anyone important to the war-effort, so i dont think ill end up overseas, or if i am, it prolly wont be middle-east
i think the group wont be coming back to sac-town tho... we will prolly settle on the eastcoast somewhere... *totally remembers the thing i wanted to talk about* ..... now i feel dumb
i was gonna ask christina about where she thinks she sees herself is a year, in two years, 5 years, etc... i want to kno where her future is.. and, if she had any preferance on where to live... :D ...
she so cute *sigh*
lilly calld today... i left a voicemail... phone-tag
lilly pisses me off, i mean, all she out for is the C, she seems to only care about Money, and the C ... and she fully knows im -Not- handing over my C for any reason whatsoever.... all i ever did was kiss her, maby 5'ish tymes over 3 days... and that cuz i spent those 4 months heartbroken n desparate.... and we talked about this, i thought it was understood she wasnt getting the C, or any serious consideration. we used each other, plain and simple *sigh* sometymes ppl are dumb ... she calld one day, and i had no reason to talk to her *actually, christina makes it so i hav reason to -avoid- her* .... and so kiel talked to her fer awhile... i think it was a ploy on her part to try and make me jealous? however all i hav is Apathy ~> so anyways, at the end, she said 'bye' and didnt want to talk to me.. i was a lil confuzled at first... a few days later *since lilly isnt something i think about often* i thought about it agin while riding my bike or something equally as boring, and i asked kiel later if he told her that i was going out wit christina.. at first he pretended not to remember, but i insisted, and hes all "yeah, i think i did" ... that explains it... so i laughed
forever iv known, the one thing that always stabilizes my life is a g/f... and so i really am running out of stuff to type... im talking about other ppls lives now... myne is happy, and consists of wheather or not i saw/talked with Christina. Because mainly, that is my only real concern in life... no material possession ever gets me very worked up... because i kno any material possession is so easy to get, theres a plan, a solution, some way that i could get it... so i dont really care. I mean, i could name something, and i could get it... except love, because that is hard... and true
now, kiel would prolly insist thats easy, and material stuff is hard *his life is shit, but he lies to girls, so hes fairly well-laid* .. ogf course, he doesnt ever really have their 'love', and whatever he does have, they love a lie, not him. so really, he constantly has nothing.
as for jill, i hate her... i mean, the cutifuls pie, that beautiful girl i fell in love with so long ago... yeah, im very much in love with her, maby even still.... but shes dead, shes not coming back... jill killd her, and blamed it on me. "a part of me died that day you broke up with me". bullshit, it died when you started with CJ, i died on his stupid air mattress janene had him sleeping with you on every nite, it died that weekend at coopertina, it died in Dans arms... and so my ultimate revenge will be sweet... and it will make sure that she could -never- come back to me... plus, i wont be nearly as attracted to her, plus ill never see her agin. And so i will be cutting fate short as well, i will 0wnz.
now, just to give destiny i chance, i plan on asking her two things before i do it *that way i hav tyme to prepare, and can play with her hair, gett it in the easiest cutting position, etc... ill ask "is there any way we could get together" and "how far have you gone with ppl other than me" ... i know the public-answer to both those question, both being 'none/nothing/no' ....but i also know that shes trying to get to me secretly, and she has done things... so if i get the truth, then i wont revenge, cuz ill prolly be thrown into personal crisis.... ... but she'll lie...
***ack! lilly calld me!! ..***
sp i talk awhile, rant about the zombies... she gets a lil bored.. so she trys this "wanna kno a secret" bs.. im like "sure?" .. shes all "ya kno, iv bein hung up over you for quite awhile.." .... yeah, so i start talking about dwight n riding my bike.. shes all ".. um, im gonna let you go now.. bye" .. i laughed
its all about the C to her
ya know whats coolies tho, my stash is all on CD. that means i could technically spank it at any computer i find :)
of course, thats one of the grossest things i could do. ... its like spankin it in on someones elses bed... which of course reminds me of that one tyme, on kiels bed, jill cheated on CJ with me.. hehe.. we didnt actually fsck, but yeah, it got on kiels bed.. and i laughed... he found out, like, 3 months ago... i laughed more
i really have nothing interesting in my life anymore.. like, prolly about 70-80% of my life, tyme, energy, etc.. goes into Christina *and before that, acquiring a g/f* ... so, now that i actually have Christina, and a set plan on how my life with her will work, about 70-80% of the conflict n un-funness are out of my life... and so because of christina, im always 70-80% Happy. that means really only 20-30% of my life could go wrong. ... well, ok, things with christina can go wrong to.. like today, dwights un-skoo'ness.. but that minor, and most things will be minor.. yeah, im thinking either Christina the one *since my life is easyer than it was with jennifer* .. or anyone would do *disproved by both jill n jennifer, who didnt quite work out this perfect*
of course, i havnt kissed Christina yet. and that kinda upsets me. i kno that after that, ill kno where the relationship is headed... Kissing is very important to me... more important to a relationship than almost anything else even... i remember even while fscking jill, i had to be kissing her... or at least, be able to whenever i felt *which happend often* ... *sigh* .. those were the days.. of course thats also the only reason the relationship lasted that long... when we werent doing stuff, we were argueing... and i dont ever want that agin... i learned how to stop that from happening too, but jill wasnt smart enough to listen
plus i think itd be easyer to start agin w/o having that kind of history... that way theres no old-habit for us to fall into..........
i wish my car still worked tho.. i drove that rental DaeWoo.. awesome handling and off-the-line acceleration.. of course, i never dorve it faster than 40'ish, so its prolly crap any faster... and it was tiny, so it would suck that way too... but i DROVE! .. now i wanna drive more... my entire life made sence when i could drive... now my life is nothing. okay, i take that back, my life is nothing except when Christina is walking the dog... then my life is ~perfect~
also, i had a coolies idea... maby my mom n christina dad could talk alot, right? .. and maby while im gone christina could live here... im not sure what that would do exactly, but id feel so much better if she was here. *not sure why tho*
yep, my life is getting boring.. other external stuff is now the only stuff i really have to talk about... i kinda like this, i mean, as long as the external stuff keeps coming :D
im gonna play online awhile, sleep, and enjoy a phonecall from Christina trm morning.. i brag to everyone during my zombie-rants that Christina is the only true-pure-good-n holy thing on this earth... or at least invovled in this campaign... *sighs dreamily* shes so wonderful....
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