2003-01-28 @ 1'ish a.m.
Why havnt I died. Why cant I live?

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Car: got drunk in; fsck off

Person: None; they all hate me

Future: Hopefully none, this only gets worse!

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I Hate Life

its really hard to write, but i'll try....

Dwights talking, so its hard to think

Ok,back

at dwights, he just got ownzd... he tryd to keep me sober and inside, it didnt work

I hate laura. She was my hope. She killed herself. Shez wanting kiel n will stop at nothing to have him. I cant go back to Jill -> plus, she interupts constantly and doesnt shutup so fsck her.

I kno Dwight thinks theres hope "Oh, be yourself, dont be pushy n clingy"

BullShit

I am cringy, I want to be held, I want physical and undeniable proof that im loved; Jill was only one to do that. She took it back.

Now its over, just like I tryd to tell Dwight, the sooner I die, the sooner the pain ends.

I guess iv done something so horrible I dont deserve to be loved anymore.

(pours another drink, turn page) ->

So, im sitting here in the backseat of my own fuckin car wishing someone would come over and ask. Ask to be let in, Ask to be loved, Ask to love me back

Dwight is both mortal-daywalker, and a guy

Bridgette is dwon the street but she hate me, so wy try, why even fuckin think about it.

And Dwights telling me? Yeah, he had it rough, but in his heart, he was strong

Im Not! I need someone.

I need a second person to always look to. I have NEVER gone without that person

Until Now.

Jill was, until now

Jeff was, untill Jill

Now im alone, for the first tyme in my life im alone. I kissed Kiel, a guy, i was that lonely, for those brief drunken seconds I got to pretend he cared, and the rest of that nite I wanted to feel that way agin.

(agin, turn) *drinks more ;) ) ->

Whoa

I called Tina & The Navy Office

I barely survived

Then, I see ~Christiana! on my phone

They told me not to be pushy anymore, not to do all that stuff

I remember how I got Jill, and Jennifer. I was cool, calm, and clingy

They both knew I could make them happy.

Ali. Well, I obviously cant read minds *my drunk powers only include falling*

Dwight didnt even check on me

And he prolly locked the dorr

Ali. She has the background, the potencial to realize what I can offer. A truly full-tyme B/F

Laura said she wanted that, but never once saw me

Fuck Her.

Ali wont either. Im gonna try too little (like im told) or too much (like i want)

Theres no middle ground

If there wasm why cant I find it

Or Realize

I Hate Life

(oh C'Mon , keep turning) ->

I asked god for another chance

Laura came online asking the same of me.

She got it; We blew it

She annoys me to no end talking bout kiel, and im pretty sure my clingy-i-wish-you-could-like-me-ness she hates

So Fuck Her.

We deserved better, but she kill'd us both. She can choose to die slowly

I'll do it NOW!

but not drunk, since im not sober enough to cry.

Im Tired.

Lacey, Emma, Gabby, Dawn

All too far away, both (like, all two of them), both physically and emotionally distanced to help.

I Hate Life

(And this pen)->

Alyssa.

Where to start?

I like her, she hates me

I like her less, shes ok with me

I like her, shes creepd out

I like her less, were fairly good friends

I like her, Shes with Keck

Kill me now. Quick.

Natalie:

Shw could have bein perfect. The DM makes a character to fit my needs.

Kiel. The Lake. Kill me faster.

Now hes destroying her. By th tyme hes done, ill be too disgusted to look at her.

So fine, Fcuk Them Both.

Rosemary was a breif hope. People need to Shut Up. So im wrong -> I only wasted a week or few, no big deal !?

sleepy getting worse

(More)->

Im on what, page five? six?

I wanted DLand, but itd be harder to type like this

I hear noises in the distance. Zombies?

Perhaps, especially cuz of the ZombieFog.

Whatever

Let Them Come!

My soul isnt quite here anywayz

I cant lose much else.

Okay .Sleep

-0ut

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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