2003-01-27 @ 2:56 p.m.
I Hate Life; why havnt i quit yet?

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Mood: 'reset' button ; Not too happy ; I need a hug

Person: Laura, my only hope, the only symbol of freedom. Gone.

E-Mail: EMail Me! I Hate Life, dont you?

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I still hate life.

today i wake up, i turned off my cellphone in an attempt to actually sleep

laura calls my house, she tells me about how she in fact -did- call kiel that nite, from 11:30 to 4, then natalie from 4-6am... great

sop today i drive around with laura, she tells me everything, then sleeps in my car.

I applyd at that lil flower shop... i talk for 5 minuts, and have an interview. No application. come back Feb. 11th, 10am.

Yep. How can I have such awesome skillz like that, but cant keep a g/f?

Its because i didnt lie to lauras g-pa, and i didnt lie to that shop. I do have to lie to girls, they aren't interested in all that bulshit they -say- they are. All they want is to be told some shitty corny fantasie, and then they want to be mistreated in the name of that stupid fantasie.

I hate life.

Lacey seems to think that one fat kids troubles are more important than talking to me... ok, sure, she can talk to him, whatever...

I wrote her back last nite. I tryd. look what I get.

Lauras out in my car... sleeping.

I was gonna try to find Ali, thers no point... shes not gonna like me ever, and itll quicken the un-likes pace to try and find her... agin, i care, im fscked

I Hate Life.

lauras bein suckd back into kiels little game.. hes in full control agin. He told her hes not even gonna talk to her until she arranges a 4-girl orgy for him ... so she starts calling around. Thats the most fucked up thing, but she wants him that bad...

And I kno, if Jill wanted, id try... i dont want to, i at least know whats happens and can see it... but im very afraid ill fall back in too... She was my hope, if she can survive kiel, then i could survive Jill.

Shes failed.

Im prolly next

theres only one way out...

I need to die.

before she has my soul, i need to die...

Shes a goddamn zombie lord, shes after me too... i cant kill her, shes still breahting, its murder... so thats leaves me

I Hate Life

If your driving to sacramento using back-streets and country roads... theres a red haze coming from this city....... its glows bout 20 degrees into the horizon.. its like the suns coming up, but red, and there all night, and facing the wrong direction......

I Hate Life.

i want to be rescued, i need someone..... but no one ever comes, no one ever honestly cares..... they'll read this an think "oh yea, hes at it agin, whatever" ... they dont notice that im here for a reason, one that hasnt ended yet....

I was os happy and i blew it... i need that agin, that chance, then itll be good agin, i can make life livable... and ill be free from despair.

It wont happen, no one an prove me wrong.

I Hate Life, im gonna try to sleep, or cry...


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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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