2003-01-19 @ 1:48 a.m.
trying not to fsck things up ~ but the entry didnt have much to do with it?

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Food: So much im tired :D *StuffD*

Music: Alkaline Trio, so coolies

Person: Ali, I cant wait *sigh's dreamily* - *Im so fscked*

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I was eading Ali's diary, sent email, lateda.. my normal nite'ly thingys ...

then, once little quote...

*dramatic pause*

"We talked a bit more about the whole competition and I had this plan on giving him a good luck hug and right when I was about to do it, Sam pulled my backpack from behind (she always does that) and said "hi" loudly. And then Nick said, "this girl has a crush on me...she has like a huge crush on me. She makes me play with her hair." Sam seems to always get in our way when I'm about to do or say something. And this was the second time that Nick's mentioned that Sam has a crush on him."

*stunned*

*gods says "Hmm.. what will get his attention more than anything else?" ... "Well, something slutty will be bad, something money oreinted would make him feel bad, something tech oreinted is becoming too common ... Oh! Yes!! Why didnt I think of it sooner!?" (POOF!)*

So, lets now check out my mind ->

((( Reading, thinking about Ali, wondering what it would be like to had bein there, anger towards both Nick and Sam, totally different reasons, *gets hit in the face with that quote* struggles to concentrate on the rest of that paragraph.. finishes reading, thinks for a few, writes an entry*)))

Well, this is all assuming she did actually do that. Now, see, if she didnt, then all that surprize and instantly-earned love and respect decay into hate n loathing for Nick, who dares to mock me even before i kno of him enough to be able to exact revenge.. grr...

but im really hoping some incident like that did happen ... *sigh's dreamily* ... i dont kno if i mentioned this, but i usually, w/o thinking, plays with ppl'z hair ... and when im drunk.. oh god... anyone with a ponytail is my best friend :)

which is prolly half the reason i kissed kiel *still doesnt really feel like i did* - *and i didnt buff cock*

so, yeah... I get to sit here biting my nails all nervous-like untill te next yme i see her... i feel dumb, im becoming obseesed... but, theres two different elements this tyme -> first, i think she'd prefer my attention on her, than alcohol; and second, shes the same way, and itd be SO hypocritical to hate me for it... especially since its towards her advantage :)?

well, okay, it is in my opinion :P but i kno, if i really super tryd, i could make her happy... and, with her full support, i could do it in about 2-4 weeks... of course, id totally rebuild her life.. but.. um.. :P

oh, and i forgot to mmention this, sometyme around homecoming last setember'ish, i asked Ali to homecoming ;) see, she wasnt lieing, she was mistaken.. I have now formally retroactive relieved her ;lie' because in fact she was 'mistaken' .. she didnt know the future, and so she couldnt hav known this would happen :D I really hopes this little clarification brightens her day trm

*iv given up on seeing her tonite, she picked sleep*

okay, im sorry... he either lied about the asparagus, or hes a faggot-ass-pansy-mommas-boy ... i took a belt before eating vegetables... i was 7. of course, i was 7, i didnt make that mistake twice ;) :D

now tho, i will refuse to eat vegetables. I can starve. Fsck vegetables. Vile putid disgusting.. *shudders*.. I like meat, its higher on the food chains, and all the nutrients n stuff have bein purified n passedd thru other creatures, making it less-crude, and also less likely to have urea deposits in it *shudders*

***

*hates it when one side of my nose if stuffed too* - *shes adorable, im fscked*

***Intermission : food.. Mm... food***

as if you couldnt tell, im reading Ali's diary and blog. im almost done (i think) ... im gonna try to finish them tonite, and then ill fell super-coolies trm moring when i wake up to a dream about her *sigh* ... i hate the way things that initially sound nice end up sounds whiny n retarded after if heard myself say it agin. I need to cheer up :P

**reads untill 11/05-2002, too tired**

im sorry.. only one more day until im out of Ali - writings to read.. which means i jus get to read them agin :D:D

nitenite fer nows

*really hopes I get her.. evne tho typing that might be counteractive to my goals?*

-0ut

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