2003-01-18 @ 11:30 p.m.
God Smites, I repent, Next Level -~>>

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CellPhone: call it :P 8212392

Idea: Im starting to see the future agin. Should a make an Ali: option?

Person: Ali, I wonder if she likes Sushi?

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i cant decide wheather to be happy, sad, angry, or dead

see, my life isnt the funnest, i kno its not supposed to be easy, but it should have some success right? It doesnt feel like myne is.. so of course, if its defective, ill just destory it, and send it back for a refund hoping i get a new, working one :D

***weird intermission .. read an odd diary.. ???***

ok, were was i?

im pissed cuz when i realize how muhc stuff sux, i realize all my little faults, all the stuff that was easy to fix and i didnt.... i sux to know all those little things could hav actually fixd all the problems i hav right now... and if pissed because im sober. Sober = Aware, aware = i know all the bad stuff

im sad cuz failing sucks. Simple as that .. girls hate me

and finally, im happy because even thru all the shit, theres still a hope. Currently her window is flashing, she replyd to my two-screen-long-typing about ESP ...

*back*

so.. what to do?

I really have a chioce, i had the same when i first drank after ashley and gradnite ... i had a serious bout of depression for a few dayz, workd a few dayz, and got a paycheck. I also had ppl to talk to online ... i dont have those same coping things anymore ... actually, the only thing i really have right now, other than my lame-ass friends, is Ali.

And, well, i dont have her.

but, since my car is sucking, and im starting to really dread the next tyme i try n get drunk... im gonna avoid alcohol for this weekend at least..?

*this is me saying "God, stop smiting me, you know messing with the car scares me, you did that tonite, I relent."*

so, this entry is me whining, then relenting ... because i realize that bawling on JQ's floor twice in one nite with everyone watching me n shit isnt cool. And im really afraid it might happen agin...

*is pathetic, in my own special way*

-0ut

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