2002-11-14 @ 11:30 p.m.
not a fun day ~ my fault

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grr ... today was longer than u would hav liked ...

went to kiels *after awakeing of course* , but i didnt go to philosophy, since i was woken up late ... to then i got my walkietalkies, and went to radioshack ... they did not hav longer range fer anything close to cheap ... so fsck them :)

then skoo.. boring... saw Jaycee, which was cool, but thats it

then went home, to kiels... went to check my account, it doesnt hav much ... then to the chevron, got gas, went to dwights, saw everyone.... then keck and cayce *cant spell, plus idfc* .. and then we all went toward krispy kreme, keck truck broke, they fixed it, me kiel and dwights sis, alyssa, went to my home to get the walkietalkies, then to krispy kreme, then to kecks, then to dwights, then i took kiel home ... i think im gonna kill myself, things arent fun anymore.. altho ill prolly wait till after game :D ... alyssa likes _CJ_ over me .... thats fscking sad ...

jordan i think broke my finger *im typing with it too, hurts* me n kiel were singing that one song by missy elliot, bout workin' it, jordan was attacking, he kickd me, but i dodge, pushes his feet away w/ the hand... only i got a piece of my finger bent a very long direction.. now its all purple and swollen and there a bony-like-bump

~anyways

go to kiels, see jill, talk w/ jill

not a good thing... i end up crying *not fun* ... shes doesnt want me, she wants dan, who is so much less cool ... the thing is is she doesnt trust me, cuz of back in the day, and so shes not letting it go and so basically im stuck .... Dan's feeling are more important than myne

She was very tired, she couldnt keep her eyes open.. i tricked her into saying she lovesme .... its sad when ~THAT~ is my accomplishment of the day ...

so yeah, suicide agin become a valid option... maby taking a gun, and shooting off my finger, cuz it hurts, then everyone would look at me funny, all weirded-out and screaming n stuff *hehehe* and then i finish me off :D

I doubt ill be super-missed

Jill will get to stay w/ dan like she wants to

Lacey n Dawn i dont even think read this, or care :D

everyone else wont care

my parent/family will care only obligatory-ish because there family, and there supposed to care when family dies....

.

iv lost 20 *twenty* pounds .. yeah ... im 138 ... and 6'2 ... stressed ....

I dont think anyone can truly like me .... i havta lie to ever get accepted

I lie to jill, everything wont be perfect, im not perfect... i cant promise anything .... but i do love her, so much im willing to die for her

*ponders writing my own eulogy*

*wont be surprized to hear it*

...

*starts crying agin*

..

well, crying doesnt pervent typing, but sleep does

im gonna use this to hopefully cry myself to sleep

*is surprised at my typing-calmness while tears drip on the keyboard :D :D

-0ut

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