2002-08-10 @ 8:28 p.m.
woke up to the phone, grr!

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Mood: Navy : Accelerate your life!

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I think im doomed to be unhappy .. like, every time I think i found out what direction i want to go in, what i want to do with my life, etc.. it comes crashing down, and then im left saddened, lonely, and confused.

Today was interesting, I woke up because 'Jamie' called. I was stunned, thinking it was the Jamie I met online .. it instead was the Navy Recruiter named Jamie. And, if you didnt guess already, she was trying to recruit me to the Navy. I hate life here, i hate how things are going, and that now seems like a good idea. .. its kinda funny, whenever im depressed i feel like joining the Navy. Its like suicide I get paid for :)) ... In any case, i told her id go to the office at 2pm on tuesday to see what she had to offer, i mean, at least give her a chance to talk me over. I could pretend im special :D ...

then I called Jordan, about the Navy, he gave me a breif walk-thru on what would happen. I can trust Jordan with this, hes enlisted already and knows whats up.

Britney called, offered to have me come to her house and to the pool, i didnt, cuz no one who would like me is there ... plus I ph34r sunburns ...

I went to Kiels, Jill was home from her vacation ... And as usual, in-depth talking to her is a constant reminder of why I suck. She is exempt from needing to email me *refers you to two entrys ago* , because anything about our relationship, everything I had ever done is example enough of how I suck ... I ruined her life, and she reminds me every time I talk to her.. I ask for it of course, she doesnt really want to have to tell me, but i incite that responce ... in any case...

I told her about some of the recent things going on, told her to go online and read the rest ...

I was gonna go hard-core and go to Sara's home on the bike .. I called and asked her mom if it was ok, she said it was perfectly fine with her ... but when Kiel heard about it, he thought that Sara's mom wanted to fsck me! ... kiel:" I mean, why else would she want one of Sara's male friend over, and hot n sweaty from riding there, in the middle of the night, when her husband isnt home" ... so I had ph34r. We went and called the opinion of multiple people *jordan, jeff, dwight, travis* .. and they all came to the same conclusion as Kiel did ... in any case, i couldnt do it tonite, i wasnt equipped, the bike wasnt perfect, and I didnt have a cover-up story, cuz jeff went to Game ...

And i would have gone to Game, but i dont have permission till mom has the address/number, and the only way to get it is if I go there to get it .. she could give me a ride their/back one tyme and get the info that way .. but not tonite, cuz mom isnt even home yet, and since shes with fat-kid she'll be tired and irritated, cuz hes a stupid annoying fag ...

so im basically fscked tonite :D ... more update later.


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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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