2002-07-03 @ 12a.m.--2:30a.m.
Tacklin' Fuel

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first, i must try an HTML idea ...

ok, this rant shall be different, due to my HTML skillz...

so anyways, i was bored, and thinkin, and sure enough, a rant.

But i fergot it, so im gonna re-trace my thoughts..

It started as, i was re-reading emma's diary, when i clicked a link she had, and unbeknowst to me, found my way into her profile. I saw my site listed, along with a quote from my diary. I giggled histerically, that kind of feedback was, well, new... the same thing happened when Lacey had me on her profile, only less, because of what she said .. she trys, but it doesnt help.. meanwhile, emma, using my quote .. that was coolies.. *Iv had lotz of Mt. Dew, im awake now** but anywayz, so I decided to email her agin... and as I thought about exactly what I was gonna say, and I started rant-thinking *on track now* so i was sitting there thinkin, and I thought "Why has Emma bein running thru my mind today?" since she was, she did almost every tyme i thought about food ... *Were both crazy* and that led to me thinking about my Addictive personality, and the spark of joy that comes from novelty .. that feeling of meeting someone 'new', havin a 'new' perspective... so of course, novelty is one of the things im addicted to. I rarely turn down a new experience, except when I hav sufficent experience to kno it sux .. I really wonder if my HTML skillz worked ... or if they did, what did they do? but anyways .. Emma's personality type is one I havnt had much exposure to, especially if youv seen my friends, skoo, n family ... too many fat ppl ... but anywayz, so I know she'll be fun. Im not sure wheater or not shes taken tho.. ill hav to ask/re-read ...

Becky is signing my guestbook, it seems the pressure is on. Are you the only one who hasnt? Better hurry up before someone notices, grave consequences if you get singled-out of the group! Hurry, cant you feel the pressure?!?

back to rant--->

That also prolly why i went hunting for Gem's third diary .. if youve read them, youd kno. Everything about her was different, even the style of writing! her slang, the ideas she had .. the names of everyone aroung her ... it was so very coolies ...

But then why Lacey? she doesnt hav anything 'new' to offer ... *Everything relates back to her, you'll learn that eventually* I guess cuz im also jus as peticular about whats 'old' ... agin, Chronological order IZ THE ONLY ORDER!! .. you remember on jurassic park when they tryed to not-be-seen by the T-Rex, so they held still n turn'd out the flashlite ... well, to avoid my interest, to hunting instinct.. 1.) Dont offer anything 'new' 2.) Dont get me curious! That one iz the worst of them all!! 3.) Dont stick around! Iv youv bein around fer 6 mos or more, you get that "I kno you" designation ... and that means you are forever catalogged in the brain .. I forgot SO many ppl after I graduated... but ppl i had for BOTH terms, over 6 mos, i remember .. or ppl I tracked during their high-skoo-career.. i didnt ferget them ... well, some of em .. but oh well, they were lame anywayz ..

okay, im done with that rant i hope ...

Another rant, from earlyer i fergot...

Im not the same person in the pictures i hav .. all those are from too long ago ... seriously , that fool in the picture didnt act like me, didnt think like me, doesnt even look like me!! ... he might be a cousin of myne, im not sure ... I look very different now. for one, iv doubled in strength since then. It wasnt that big of an accomplishment tho, i was really weak ... Im tan .. ever since I got my '93 Ford Mustang Convertable, iv gotten very tan .. altho im still pale under mah shirt, thats just cuz im hairy, and i dun like taking my shirt off .. i feel nekkid ... and I not only got a much shorter, cooler hair-cut, but my hair is a lighter color... i dyed it, then the sun i think is bleaching it some, cuz it doesnt look like it growing back black like it should.... i may hav gotten taller too, but not by much ... I need to get my prom picture on here ... proof that I did in fact go to prom with Dominque! altho I think everyone else got to dance wit her more, but thats another story .. one that may gimme a flashback and get its own rant ... it was another thing that started the chain-of-events that led to this odd-depressed-diary-writing-thing ... *refers you to Intro/prologue* I was gonna get a disposeable-camera, fill it wit pictures for Lacey, then get them developed onto that Kodak Picture CD .... maby I should do that for everyones benefit? ... plus you'll get to see my Posse, fsck them tho, im the most coolies one of them, even tho they may not kno it ... all there style, they got from either me, jordan, or travis .. altho jordan got half his style from travis anyways ..

Oh shit, here comes an intro .. plus im flashing back to middle-skoo .. lots of very painful, horrid memorys ... i already feel like crying and i havnt even started...

Ok, i didnt kno travis that well, so i cant be accused of stealing his style. He was the well-recognized leader of the "Gothic-kidz" during the 2 yrs he went to Sylvan <---*middle skoo we all went to* so anywayz ... he was the leader, and he had a good following, jeff, kiel, jordan, keck, a whole shitload of ppl i dont kno or remember .. at least 7-10 ppl... At that tyme, i was very anti-social ... i only had jeff n jordan as friends. only. no one else .. no one else did i talk to .. wait, n/m.. jose too ... but thats it ... everyone has their favorite "With Travis" story, even me! ... One day, Mr. DeRosa, the stupid wood-shop teacher, he kicked me out of his class, i had to sit next to the tree ... i dont remember what i did exactly, but fsck him. So anywayz, i was sitting there, and i heard some noise, felt that cold chill right before something bad happens like in the movies .. and theres Travis, jordan, and maby more ppl *memory incomplete, fsck you* .. and he says " WTF? Its Satan!?!!?!" .. normal ppl would be pissed at this, im flatter'd .. i mean, shit, he actively worshipped Satan. so I smile, and say "Huh?" .. he replys, "I summoned Satan right before you got kicked out, then we saw you there!" ......... yep :D he summoned me .. thats a lil odd ... especially since i dont think i did anything wrong to get kicked out ... i think i was talking or somethin .. one'a those bad-things i did everyday and other kids did, but only one gets picked of every now-n-then ... oh did I hate that skoo ... if youv ever seen that movie "Water Boy" .. most of my "tacklin' fuel" will come from there ... the rest from either jorey or things you can find in the diary....

Ok, I might as well explain Jorey...

he was, i think, my first friend after i started going to grand-oaks *Elementary skoo, 4th, 5th, n 6th, grade*.. i dont remember much about it, but he's my demons favorite fuel-source. We playd those lil-kid pretend games alot ... Lego's were sweet .. but one day., he says somethin bout how everything iz fake, and how were not friends anymore ... that was also the first tyme my fantasy-shelter was cracked ... I was perfectly happy before that *truama can come from anywhere, not jus mommy-n-daddy* my world was perfect, there was always somethin fun to do, alwayz an adventure, always somewhere to explore, alwayz a foe to vanquish, since you never knew when those aliens would stop by *I was a stupid lil kid, and i think that was what he told me too ... OMG ... that explains alot ... holy shit ... * But ANYWAYZ, so my perfect lil world where everything was fun, even the bad parts, got a chunk torn out of it .. and i lost my only friend .. well, i had another, brandon, but he suck'd .... anywayz ... so in 7th grade, he was back .. and i was the perfect ego-target ... picking on me made him feel big, and the only thing that i had over him.. i was an inch taller, and that only served to piss him off ... he was stronger by far, and more popular, friends everywhere ... so he got to pick on me ... one day, i was waking home, he n one of his friends that i think was either in 8th grade, or in high-skoo, found me in the park ... he started pushing me, trying to start a fight ... i dont remember much *memory iz fuzzy* but i do remember it ended because his friend thought i was gonna snap or somethin .. his friend, who came w/ jorey only to see me die, saved me ... it was weird ... so anywayz, he dissappears fer awile ... till Sophomore year. I just started going out wit jill, it was our 1st month anniversary *Awww, things were so sweet back then:">* it was a friday, October 8th, and for some reason she wasnt home *I dont remember why, but she felt super-guilty bout it laterz* ... we ditched the rally, since rallys are gay, and went walking .. it was one'a those super hot n humid dayze, we walked hella far too .... fer an hour n a half, back when 30 minz was hard ... going thru the park, me, jordan, n kiel were walking past make-out-point *Basicially a bench, in the middle of a bunch of trees* and Jorey was there, with about 10-15 other druggies ... none of his crew liked my posse, vice versa ... he was loaded, bad too.. he came at me mubbling somethin bout 'talkin shit' ... i was very very tired, i didnt even realize what was happening till the second hit ... those were glancing blows, no damage ... i got scared, couldnt decide wheater to fite, knew id get whooped on, couldnt remember where the exit was... i dropped the backpack, it was so very heavy... well, it was a bad idea, cuz now id dodge, then come back up and get hit! ... once good in the nose, next in the mouth .. that ended the fight tho, since he got my blood on his hand, then i breathed out and misted blood in a 5 foot arc in front of me... it was actually kinda cool ... he started screaming, actually screaming, about his "fubu" **im not lieing, he must'a bein really wasted** .. so we quickly made an exit .. i was now covered in my blood, jordan n kiel went wit me to the lil hospital fer poor ppl in the park .. it was bout 100 ft away at most ... i got imediate attention, Cops took the report, huntd fer stoners, found none, mommy came to get me... the end .. I stole alot of condoms from that place and put them in my back-pack.. asked Jordan to take my backpack wit him .. hehehe ... my mom took me to the emergency room laterz .. the doctor did a whole nose-check-up thing ... it turns out normal ppl usually hav a curved septum, just cuz ... i didnt ... so either jorey knocked my septum back into place *Not Likely he said!* or jorey didnt hit me hard. **This is the main chunk of "tacklin' fuel" .. i realized that everyone was stronger than I, and that there was no way to always avoid violence** laterz, after things sunk in .. jordan was there, and my Karate lesson-memory were comin back a lil ..., i hit the chair, faster and faster ... he was kinda scared ... thats why i think jordan knos me the most, cuz most of my 'big events' he bein actively a part of ... i was hitting that chair alot faster than i think jordan would hav imagined, that blank stare and wide eyes he had on makes me think that .... The piccy i use, Moi - (wallet sized) was taken BEFORE this ... as iv said, i am stronger.... but im also jus as fast ... i still hav that, faster n faster skill .... Recently, the first tyme Ashley iggyed me, i start play-punching this giant styrofoam ice-chest ... it was pretty thick ... my lil brother would hit in as hard as he could .. 4 lil indents, where his knuckles were.. he pulled back quick, held his hand .. i laughed .. i hit it .. i half-split, sucken in hole , outlining my fist ... when i hit Celerity, faster n faster .. i tore that box apart, all of it, everywher ... I wondered why the box was all red, did it hav some kind of lining ... i looked down, i split my knuckles, i was bleeding all over that box ... it was kinda funny, cuz it didnt hurt till i looked down.. afterward, it hurt SO bad!! ...

I phear for the dumb fool that makes me snap .. i tore up that box BEFORE I started my recent, much more intensive weight-lifting hobby ... i phear for that dumb fool... when i split my knuckles on the box, i told ppl some fool made me snap. Most actually believe the story, knowing about Ashley... the story was where i made some fool run in phear, okay, i made it as far-fetched as i could think .. ppl pheared me, and believed ... I laughed ...

This was supposed to be quick.

Im done...

Sign my fockin' guestbook!

Im easy to please! Seriously! jus a few moments can brighten my day! Sign the guestbook, mention me in ur diary, tell me I suck, ANYTHING!

ever since that bre's house thing las week, my back hasnt been in the right spot.. i keep getting little cramps n aches .. i think i need to see a chiropractor...

fsck this place;

Nitenite fer now

I really wonder what my HTML skillz experiment did..?

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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