2002-06-27 @ 12:55 a.m.
Intro : The Gathering

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I noticed that i keep refering to ppl, none of which iv introduced...

I might as well do that now, eh?

the first person that comes to mind is Becky, cuz im talking to her thru chat right now... Shes the only one i can trust, because shes the only person i cant use... *however much sense that makes* .. i tell her everything, i listen to her problems .. she prolly one of my most welcomed friends :D

theres Jordan, iv known since 3rd grade.. but i moved for 4th, and we ended up re-meeting in 7th .. bein friends ever since .. i trust him too, but not as much. i dun really like guys..

Jeff, who iv known since 5th grade... one of my most sustained friendships, even tho weve prolly had the most disagreements. Thats prolly why were still friends *none of my life makes sense, get used to it*

Kiel, i meet in 8th grade, cuz his name is Kiel, pronounced "kyle" bnut i said Kiel thinkin he was black... it was funny how i bugged him ... then we re-met *re-met iz a common theme?* in 10th grade, i dun trust him... i dont think anyone does, and fer god reason. Well, no, there are alot of trustings he has, but dont take his word, cuz its only worth the papaer its written on. I fell in love with his sister/cousin/there-all-adopted-in-that-household-type-person ... that caused us an obvious bit of stirfe, but then we broke up *good thing too* and so were full-tyme friends..

Jill, i really would prefer not to mention her, jus cuz ... shit, id mention Zeke before her.. but not ryan.. i dun like ryan *scowls* .. but i hav too, since she is a key player in da twisted script of my life .. if this was a movie, the lead female role would prolly be her .. unless you count online friends, but then agin, iv never seen them, so they dun really need an actress yet ... basically, we got together, liked each other, fell in love, fought fer more than a yeat, then i broke up with her ... it got too rough ..

This isnt a subject id like to talk about.

Zeke, hes some loser-fanboy after Lacey ... he kinda obnoxious, in the nicest way possible. When im pissed, i kno hes only nice to win Lacey, he'll say whatever it takes, whatever she wants to her jus so he can be a step ahead ... It'll prolly work too, cuz im sure as hell not gonna stoop to that level ... or he could jus be a nice guy.. that'll work too... either way, hes not really a problem, as long as he stays true to his claims of making Lacey happy, ill deal wit it....

My mom, she not really my mom, but my aunt who i call my mom since she raised me since i was 6 months old ... shes my legal guardian too :D but im not adopted fully, which means she can ask fer child support, and i can get thrown out of the house, and i could hav asked to live somewhere else ... but she always keeps food in da house, and shes not home alot, leaving room fer me to smeak some added freedoms, so im happy here..

My Fat Stupid Filty Homosexual Pig Fat Piece-Of-Shit brother/cousin .... hes sucks his and his dogs ass... i hate him... he can directly related and maby even the direct cause of the first major life-altering crisis in my life... hes my mom's *aunt* full-blown son ... making him my brother *cousin* ... he sucks ... hes annoying, and he spent more than an hour in the shower with his dog a few nites ago ... that worried me, i really wished i could hav slept not knowing that ... but my mind block that, so im safe :D:D

where was I? oh yea..

there a very large number of ppl i kno, some of them personally, but they havnt impacted my life enough to get themselves listed ... a few might even complain... they should be grateful! the only reason id list you here was if I planned on talking about you .. and everyone iv talked about plays some part in my pathetic life... which i kno im not very proud of...

id be prompted to introduce myself, since i am the star of this show... but no, i want to wake up trm morning .. not saturday morning .. id be typing alot longer than i think i ever hav ... i had a 25 page senior-project, it was alot less typing.

But since I kno someone is wanting to hear somethin ...

Im a genius, flat-out ... this world runs much slower than i would desire, i can usually out-think ppl in ways that I cannot describe, because there are no example of it elsewhere.. I can connect the dots, even when the dot are different colors, or invisible... i can sense motives fairly well, i read between the lines, and i think i may be schizophrenic... at least, all the warning signs in the psych. book i can relate to... I have had a long, exceedingly eventful life. I have done so many things, most of them being so horrific that no one will ever hear. I have ruined lives, I hav hurt innocent people, i hav tactlessly defiled all that is sacred around me ... and then i grew a conscious. The most horrid thing that could hav happened to me too, because I was well on my way to become a serial-killer ... now, instead, im haunted by my past, by the critisms of others around me, by my own thoughts. I wish i could start over, there any SO many things that I could hav done right, easily, seriously, this world would be a better place... I was a very awful stupid lil kid, destroying all that was good around me ... for the pst few months, iv finished growing out of it .. it seems like whenever i look back, even on events a few weeks ago i feel stupid, i think "What the hell possessed me to do somethin that stupid?" ... i dont understand that... Iv consider hitting the Reset button on a few occasions ... if there was a guarantee on what comes next, i wouldnt hav even hesitated the seconds it took before... But iv determined that im here to make the world nicer to be fer all who flock around me *and there are SO many of you!* plus i dont think i can leave before iv atoned for my sins .. so ill be here at least 300 years ... Im going to coolge this fall at California State University, Sacramento .. im going to major in Computer Enginneering, since playing on the insides of puters iz my most favorite thingz, iv bein doin it since i was 12 ... plus its good money!

Keck, keck iz my newest long-term friend. i met him about a year n a half ago, in ceramics class... he taught me how to rollerblade... hes cool.. hes jus as crazy as me i think, altho thats assuming theres alot of crazyness i havnt seen ... but either way, we hav alot in common, so its cool. Plus he lives right down the street from a girl i ha*v*d a crush on, and Ashley's *THE Ashley* family n her lived there too, a long tyme ago... keck knos her older brother, Gabe, so keck had some obvious uses... but even after his usefulness ran out, hes still fun to go hang out wit, and hes jus as crazy wit the insomnia gig ... so yea...

iv bein typing fer an hour ..

If anyone i didnt mention makes there way into the spotlight, takes an active role in this sick lil play a very insane Andrew Llyod Webber of-the-future made, then they will get an intro then...

and till then...

Byebye fer now...

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!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

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