2002-06-26 @ 1:03 a.m.

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

Well, this iz the beginng of my diary ..

The last tyme i kept a diary was when i was 12, i wrote 3 tymes, in one day .. then lost it and didnt care ... hopefull that wont happen agin :D

Im going to pretend no one reads this, it will be easyer to type the more, personal things that way..

The more recent events that lead to this diary started about a month ago. I proved to all that a social reject could become popular, and i did it within 2 months. I was at the top of my game, everyone knew who "Jonny G." was. I hav a very full yearbook to prove it. But there were some unsettled things from my past. I few people that knew me from long ago .. i had to settle things, even if it meant sacrificing everything. Most went well, to the point things worked themselves out. I was glad. A few, however, did not.

Ashley and Lacey.

I knew ashley for 4-5 years, altho she never knew me. She was much too popular or beautiful for me to ever hope to talk to her, and yet, i blindly fell in love with her. Go figure. This year, i tryed to resolve this:

the first tyme i tryed, before prom, i tried to ask her to prom... she wouldnt even talk to me.

The second tyme, graduation, she wouldnt even let me get close enough so that she could ignore me.

The third tyme, at a graduation party 2 or 3 dayze after graduation, i got very close. she told me to go away, she didnt want to hav to be mean to me. She liked someone else and was moving away, and already knew what i had to say *she says* ...

So i got so fucking wasted that the most memorable part of the nite was the floor.. i spent alot of tyme there...

just ask Jordan.

that obviously didnt go well, but who gives a shit, i prayed for whats best, and that must hav bein it.

Lacey is much more, complicated. I started re-talking to her in march then recently... Iv known her for 2-3 years.. i liked her for most, loved her for the rest... Im pretty sure were equal on the "good-enough for each other" scale.. and thats the worst part. Im not getting into this jus yet...

To Follow timeline, after i got fscked up, i slept kinda, worked that weekend, and had some interesting adventures. Me and one of my oldest friends, Jeff, went walking, looking for ashleys house. I had a general idea of where she lived, cuz 4 years before i looked it up *people-find* so we walked around for about 5 hours in the middle of the nite, had a fun tyme, even tho we were never close to her house... We went to Kecks house *iv known keck a year n a 1/2'ish* we chilld a bit, went walking, went by Swag the MidNite Homies work.. got donuts ... chilld awile .. went walking.. ended up at my house, the sun rose .. id bein up fer more than a day at this point.. we went .. somewhere ... we managed to kill a whole bunch of tyme, i got my car back from the shop .. we killd more tyme **sleep-deprivation resulted in lack of memory** and somehow i ended up driving Jordan and Jeff to San Francisco.. this was 1-2am, on my 41-42 hour of awakeness... well, i end up on the off-ramp to UCDavis, so we walked around there awile, checked out the campus .. that was fun .. lots of bikes, everywhere! .. drove home, and slept. ... Keck, jeff and i went looking fer ashleys home in da daylite, she lives in a gated-richy-ass-gated-community ... we didnt hav the code... that nite Jordan and jeff went back, but didnt care enough to go in .. thats the end of Ashley...

I managed to kill a few more dayz, then i got online alot .. started talking to lacey alot ... and thats when my current piece of life started.

As i said before, i love her.

Its bein that way fer.. well, i really long tyme!

And so she lets me read her diary :D good thing, right?


She warned me about it, told me that she doesnt feel that way anymore, that she loves me and appreciates me and feels bad about the way she felt. I agreed, i felt awful about the way she felt. emeraldfae.diaryland.com

first tyme she mentions me, itz cuz the flowers that i went into debt to get her, that i spent 3 months paying off, she only viewed as another present from Zeke. That cut deep. Real Deep. the second, how i was bugging her. my affections for her were an unwelcomed nuisance, only causing her to feel guilty about it. That wasnt the best thing i could hav heard. The third, the one she cant take back, since it was less than a week ago'ish, she doesnt know me.. -well- ... it hurt less, and more. It wasnt as bad as the others, but it is how she currently feels. My inner demons, enjoying this turn of events, end up pissing everyone off the next few dayz... its hard to explain, like, i thought that i shouldnt care, they asked for it, if they dont like it, they can leave... stuff like that. Totally un-coolness...

a few nites ago i read Zeke's diary *stolen keys* rantingslash.diaryland.com .. that really fscked me up. I want lacey to be happy, usually more than myself *that $80 for flowerz could'a got me some really coolies shit* ... but id rather kill him than look at him... so reading their diarys, being able to see them happily ever after .. a very very mixed-emotion-cant-handle-must-go-kill-bunnys-type-thing ... it messed me up, i pissed ppl off somemore...

yesterday *two days, if your an asshole and like to keep shit technical* i broke into her friends diary. aquafae.diaryland.com ; It was fairly lame, kinda pathetic. It made me feel good, knowing that someone out there has less of an enjoyable life than I... it was funny at tymes.. a few entries made me sick... but nothing i couldnt handle. She actually seems to be a fairly nice person *for an NPC* i emailed her, started talking to her. Im sure she'll be a fairly useful ally..

A few things left before im done.

for the past 72 hours iv eaten 2 jalapeno cheeseburgers from work, half a sandwich, and some luch-meat... on a moremal day that would hold me for about 2-4 hrz... im not hungry, iv lost 6 lbs.. im nervous and i dont kno why, im losing it *whatever it is?* ... im hoping things will get better...

My half-brother Ricky came to town, he arrived 3 hrz ago .. this is the 2nd tyme iv ever seen him, 1st was last summer .. maby havin him around will ease this tension and bring stability into my life... or at least ill hav a killer tyme with him :D

i went to a renaissance fayre on sunday. tht was cool! i got a coolies shirt, coolies pants , a coolies sword and a coolies kris... cost $160, but a friend owes me $70 from that day, so it even to $90 .. not bad, i hav a whole costume, $90...

I enjoy my pages look ... it looks like a girl did it, and since im very fond of girls, i enjoy my page. It kinda reminds me of my desktop settings, altho i need to refresh my HTML skillz before i actually make my page conform. My desktop has the active menu bar fade from bright violet to lt. baby blu... its so beautiful .. im gonna try to get a similar effect out of my page *someday* ...

well.. unless i think of somethin damn quick, then im gonna sleep ...

byebye fer now

*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ >

~WakingUp [email protected]~! Zeroe'dIn~

Index.html~ Archives~ Profile~ Email!~ Guestbook!~ Cast!~ ringz~ Jill!~ n0tes~ AboutME~ Surveyz~ host?

!~* C'est Fini *~! - 2003-05-04
new diary... well, not yet - 2003-05-03
drunken entry... these are cool, arentthey? - 2003-05-03
random entry ~ jills fault... **and then later this becomes THE JILL PAGE** - 2003-05-02
Prom ~ okay, not myne but still! - 2003-05-02

Get reviewed by DiaryReviews!

Join the Chaos!